How I feel when people make stupid arguments in the wake of a tragedy

credit goes to reddit user TheMightyCoward

A curiosity

To all the redditors out there looking for another source of amusement: Next time you stumble across a post from /r/gonewild on the front page, take a browse through the comments. So many foot fetishes....

More Youtubes

So there's this guy from Iceland, Birgirpall, who makes hilarious vids. They're all gaming-related, but I don't think you have to be a gamer to appreciate them. Check it out. This one is a GTA mod.

Completely Unprompted

I think I might just shed a tear.

On realism

Everyone knows what a relief it can be, and how good it feels, to take a big dump you've just been yearning to evacuate from your bowels.

What bothers me is when people say, "Dude. That was the best dump ever!"

Really?

Best ever?

Unless you've got some other memories and an epic tale to go along with your dump, I bet it wasn't the best. Probably wasn't even top twenty.

Be reasonable.

That was a 98th percentile dump.

quiz results

Well, there you have it.

Just over one-quarter of my students failed.  Roughly one in ten got a "D."  About one-fifth received a "B."  I'm satisfied with the number of students that got an "A" on the quiz.

It should be mentioned that if we add the categories for those receiving an "A" and "B," we find that a majority of the class actually did well.

I know this is pretty sick of me to get entertainment out of this.  But on more than one quiz I noticed that students had clearly erased answers and decided to choose "false" instead of "true" (or vice versa).  It was quite obvious that they answered the questions, realized all five answers were the same, and then went back and changed some answers they were "unsure" of.  Am I horrible or what?!

I really can't wait to see how the rest of this semester goes.  It should be stressed that I do have some really exceptionally bright students.  There are two in particular that if I could just sit down and chat with them I would love to get them (already) thinking about grad school.  I have one gentleman in my class that is from the-middle-of-nowhere (we're talking even more rural than the typical small town in this godforsaken state) and I am continually in awe of how articulate he conveys his critiques of what we learn.  His abstract thinking is probably more impressive than mine.  Students like him make me have hope in the upcoming generations.

All in all, this was a fun little experiment.  I probably won't do this again this semester, but if I come up with any more evil/sadistic plots, I'll be sure to share them.

they have no idea

I am proud to now consider myself the king of douchebaggery. 

Recently on reddit I stumbled upon a student who posted a midterm his professor created.  I believe the midterm consisted of 50 questions – all of which were true or false.  The answers to the test?  All 50 were true.

The redditor just titled the post something along the lines of “Mindfuck level = 100.”

Well, I gained some inspiration from this post.  As our one loyal reader is aware, I teach an introductory course here at my fine university.  I’ve noticed the occasional wandering eye during pop quizzes.  Also, I’ve noticed that my students aren’t the brightest.  So I decided to take the mess-with-your-mind approach to a whole new level.

In approximately 2 hours my students will be taking a very important quiz.  It makes up a fairly significant portion of their grades.  Unbeknownst to them, I created two quizzes.  Both appear to be identical.  However, if one were to receive both quizzes (which one will not) one would notice that there are very minute differences between the two.  For example, the word “no” will be strategically placed in front of one word on Quiz A but will be left out in Quiz B.  “Never” may be replaced with “always.”  (Antonyms have always been my best friend.)

Each quiz consists of five questions and five questions only.  I stacked the quizzes in such a way that the pile I hand them out in alternates between one quiz and the other.  Every correct answer to Quiz A is “true.”  Every correct answer to Quiz B is “false.”

By alternating how I stack the quizzes, this ensures that each student sitting next to each other will receive a different quiz.  The result?  Say for example a student doesn’t know the answer to a question.  So the student proceeds to have “wandering eyes” and look at the answer the neighbor on the right put down.  Then the student chooses to verify the answer the neighbor on the right put down by looking to the neighbor on the left.  Both the neighbor on the right and the neighbor on the left will be putting down the same answer.  That answer, however, will be different than the correct answer for the quiz that the student in the middle is taking.

By using this process I ensure the following:

      A)     Cheaters get what they deserve. 

      B)     All students will start to question if they somehow screwed up.  “All answers are true?  This can’t be right, one of these must be false.”

      C)     After class they will talk with one another.  They will ask “What was the correct answer to question 4?  The one about Gerda Lerner’s ideological contribution to feminist rhetoric?”  For all students, question 4 will indeed have been about Gerda Lerner.  Half of the students will respond that the answer was “false” and the other half will say it was “true.”  This will create genuine confusion among all and will put the fear of God in them over the weekend that they utterly failed a quiz worth a significant percentage of their final grade.

I know I am a horrible human being, but if you ask me: this is totally gonna be worth it.

Kind of politic-y

Fantasy Football Update

I've been following Ahmed's lead by not posting anywhere near enough. Usually by this point in the season, we've each put out a couple of fantasy updates in addition to other "real-life" postings.

The Family League
I'm sitting at 3-2 (6th place of 12) and 8th in points for. C.J. Spiller was amazing for the first 3 weeks. As luck would have it, he got injured and now I guess I get to wait and see if he ever reaches that level of performance again, now that Fred Jackson is back. Willis McGahee is looking like a pretty smart pick. With the exception of Fred Davis sucking a big one, and C.J. blowing up for a few weeks, none of my picks are really over- or underachieving. Which is a bummer, because you need guys to overachieve if you're going to win. I don't know if this is gonna be my year. Larry Fitzgerald and I would also appreciate it if Arizona could figure out where to find a decent quarterback.

The GC League
Again, at 3-2, I'm sitting in 5th place out of 10 and 5th in points for. Michael Vick has been incredibly underwhelming. Meanwhile, Ben Roethlisberger has been performing quite well most weeks... on my bench. At the same time, my running backs (AP, McCoy, McGahee) are doing good but not great and I've got the top TE in the league in Tony Gonzalez.

Yes, that's right Tony Gonzalez, Father Time himself, is leading all TEs in fantasy points through 5 weeks. He's making everyone who took Jimmy Graham or Gronk in the 2nd (or even in the first) look like a bunch of dumbasses. Speaking of making people look like dumbasses, Victor Cruz proving my bust call wrong by once again putting up crazy numbers. Maybe he is good.

Maybe it's because it's Friday afternoon. Maybe it's because I just got the official "no thanks. You were a great candidate, but we had a lot of great candidates" email from a potential employer. Maybe it's because I feel like some of my responses were really underwhelming in the phone interview I had yesterday for a job that I really, really want, but right now, my motivation levels are at an all-time low.

As you probably know

I'm a bit of a beer geek. So you can probably guess how much pain it caused me to overhear a couple of girls walking behind me have the following conversation:

"blah blah blah. I can't drink dark beers"

*cringe at dark being a descriptor of body and/or flavor*

"blah blah. Lite beer x is my favorite."

"eww. I like light beer y."

*implying there are major differences in flavor and quality of major light beer brands*

"meh. I don't really like light beer y. But light beer y lime is pretty good"

As someone who worked at an Arby's for way too long

I have a good idea how stupid the average person is

here's hoping

what a nice last few days.  clemson wins its season opener without its best player.  ndsu won 52 - 0.  the gophers won in triple overtime.  i just finished the draft for one of my favorite leagues.

this is a 12-team PPR/IDP league $200 auction league.  6 bench spots, one flex.  $50 buy-in.  it has been going on about as long as i have been alive.  this is (hard to believe) my 3rd year in the league.  in my first year i took 2nd overall.  last year i didn't even make the playoffs.  i don't like to make excuses, but i'm going to blame it on andre johnson getting injured early and having maclin, mccoy, and vick miss significant time last year.  this year will hopefully be better.

i came into the draft with a strategy in mind based on the depth at certain positions this year.  here's how my team fared.

qb: philip rivers, $3
-i can't believe i got him for $3.  i know that vincent jackson is gone, but i feel like robert meachem will make up for most of that production.  antionio gates claims he's in the best shape of his life.  regardless, for THREE DOLLARS this was an absolute steal.

wr: hakeem nicks, $30
-i had him for $30 on my board, so he went right where i thought he would.  i was a bit passive with the upper-echelon receivers.  i like nicks, he's going to get plenty of touches.  i don't like his injury over the offseason, but he will be ready for week 1 so hopefully it is taken care of.  great value, a nice pickup here.

wr: aj green, $32
-i'm really high on AJ this year.  he clearly developed a rapport with andy dalton last year despite having no offseason to practice.  he's had a full summer to learn the system and develop chemistry with the entire offense.  he put up ridiculous numbers as a rookie.  i can't wait to see his numbers improve this year.

rb: matt forte: $49
-forte was one of my targets going in.  i wanted him for around $50 and that was right where i got him.  he's a stud RB in PPR format.  i don't like how the bears have announced that michael bush will get a majority of the goal line carries, but i felt that with his new contract (and no holdout) in place, he's still going to get a majority of the touches and his receiving value is almost unmatched by any other RB.  i'm ok with him as my #1 RB.

rb: darren sproles: $37
-i originally targeted demarco murray as my #2 RB but had him pegged for $30.  he went for $35 and i stopped bidding on him.  HUGE MISTAKE.  murray ended up being the single biggest steal of the draft.  once murray was off the board, many RBs went significantly over value.  heck, donald brown went for $21!!  had i known that players would be overpriced heading forward, i would have put upwards of $40-45 on murray.  either way, sproles had 86 (!!) receptions last year and 1,300 total yards.  he was the 5th highest RB in terms of average points per week.  i'm hoping he can reproduce those numbers this year.  he's basically guaranteed about 5 catches a week out of the backfield.  i just hope new orleans' offense doesn't change their scheme very much.

te: coby fleener, $2
-here's to hoping andrew luck keeps with the college days and targets fleener a ton during the games.  i'm banking on him being more of an endzone target (fingers crossed: 10 TDs this year?).  either way, my strategy going in was to spend no more than $3 on my TE, so i'm just glad i stuck to that budget.  the top-tier guys went for over value, and i'm just not a big fan of vernon or fred davis to spend $15-$20 on him.

flex: wes welker, $30
-wow.  yahoo had him under valued this year.  let's just say in a PPR format welker is consistently among the league's most productive players period.  122 receptions last year and over 1500 yards.  if he does 100 and 1200 this year, he'll still be among the top point-producing receivers.  i had budgeted $90 for my 2 receivers plus flex, so spending $92 on these 3 positions was a great value.  i felt like i got a lot more than i originally planned for.  i just hope that brandon lloyd doesn't take too many touches away.  i don't think he will as he was brought in to be a deep threat rather than a possession receiver.  so long as welker is healthy, this may be the best pick of the draft.

kicker: dan bailey, $1
-one of the top kickers.

lb: demarcus ware, $1
-i strategized in rounds 4-6 and filled all my IDP holes.  the contribution that IDP players give week-in and week-out isn't too significant.  but the disparity between ware and other LBs is quite impressive.  i got the best LB for a buck.  #winning

dl: jonathan babnin, $1
-see demarcus ware.  our league is heavy on sack value, so this was a great pickup.

cb: charles tillman, $1
-i believe he was the highest-point-producing corner based on our league's settings last year.  do you see a pattern with my defensive strategy?

bench: peyton hillis, $5
-i don't know what he's going to do in kansas city.  charles is still "the guy" but hillis has been promised the goal line opportunities.  i love his receiving capability (see: his one good year in cleveland), and i love the injury risk to charles.  if they split time i'm ok with that because he will be more valuable than the typical backup in this league.

bench: cj spiller, $4
-i just put a $4 bid on him and ended up winning him.  i think he has much more talent than fred jackson, but with jackson's contract extension he's still clearly the feature back in buffalo.  regardless, i'll just need spiller to spot-fill in week 6.  if he produces anything like he did while jackson was injured last year, this could be a pick that pays off.

bench: pierre thomas, $1
-this is a handcuff.  he put up good PPR numbers last year, although most of that was due to the fact that mark ingram was hurt for a while.  regardless, if sproles were to be injured for an extended period of time i know that new orleans would go with a committee backfield, so i'm ok with having him as a handcuff.

bench: nate washington, $1
-i just put a $1 bid on him thinking someone else would bid him up.  i didn't expect to win him, but i'm not going to complain.  britt is out for at least a week.  i do like kendall wright, but washington will still get plenty of touches either as the lead receiver when britt is out or as the #2 guy once britt is back.  i like kendall wright, but honestly i think his talent (if anything) will attract more attention.  so with the focus on both britt and wright, washington might have more looks than one would expect.

bench: greg little, $1
-great value here.  i've drafted him in every league so far.  he'll get more touches this year and hopefully will have more trips to the endzone.

bench: ben roethlisberger, $1
-i put a $1 bid on him because it was too early to nominate my sleepers but too late to have any of my targets on the board.  i didn't want him, didn't expect to get him.  i don't like his issues with his rotator cuff.  i was targeting flacco, schaub, or carson palmer as my #2 guy, so i was disappointed when i landed him.  unfortunately, after the draft there were really no quality QBs available in free agency.  thus, i'll just keep big ben and play him once during rivers' bye.

overall assessment: i'm pretty high on this team.  yahoo's new projection thing has the team finishing 11-2 and in 3rd place heading into the playoffs.  i'm ok with that.  i like that literally every position player has good hands and can be relied on in a PPR format.  i don't like that i missed out on michael bush as matt forte's handcuff.  i had him targeted on my board because a.) i spent the most money on forte and b.) bush had a heck of  a year last year.  that coupled with the fact that he's going to get the goal line touches makes him quite valuable.  in the round immediately following when i drafted spiller, i had $4 left to fill 4 bench spots.  thus, the max i could bid was $1.  bush went for $6 that round, so there was literally nothing i could do.  i had to re-evaluate my plan and go with pierre thomas instead.  while i like him as a handcuff, if sproles were to get injured, thomas wouldn't be nearly as valuable (due to mark ingram) as bush would be if forte were to be injured.

either way, i like that i have 3 solid receivers.  i like that - if they stay healthy - my running backs will be among the most productive in a PPR format.  i like that - although amounting to a minimal change in point value - i have arguably the 3 most productive IDP players at their respective positions.  barring injury, i think i'll snap my post-season drought.  i could be in for a fun season.

tomorrow evening i have my $250 league draft.  i'll keep you posted.

Sometimes I feel like this

i'm a great coach

so some of my wife's co-workers decided to do a fantasy football league.  they are all librarians and, frankly, don't know anything about football (much less fantasy football).  they only had 6 teams in the league, so you know that each team is stacked.  they also had a ridiculously large number of bench spots.  that being said, my wife asked if i'd give her a list of players so that she could have somewhat of an idea of what she should be doing on draft day.

i gave her some basic strategies (fill out roster, save dst and k for 2nd-to-last and last rounds, respectively, draft a handcuff, evaluate the value on the board).  basically, i have a VBD cheatsheet i made for my non-ppr leagues and made a general laundry list of players based on said VBD cheatsheet.  i just told her to draft the person with the highest value on the board provided that she didn't draft any backups prior to filling out her roster.  i won't go into any analysis, but this is her team:

QB: michael vick
RB: arian foster
RB: ray rice
WR: roddy white
WR: andre johnson
FLEX: greg jennings
TE: aaron hernandez
DST: baltimore
K: hartley
BN: eli manning
BN: matt ryan
BN: frank gore
BN: shonn greene
BN: bernard pierce
BN: aj green
BN: hakeem nicks
BN: jeremy maclin
BN: demariyus thomas
BN: vernon davis
BN: matt bryant

i think i smell a championship.

Bockmed's 2012 Fantasy Draft Recap #2

This evening, some of my cousins and one uncle gathered 'round the fictional table that is the internet and drafted our teams for the 4th year of our fantasy football league. When I got called out for escalating the pre-draft smack-talk, I simply had to remind the one who called me out that I am the reigning back-to-back-to-back champion of this league and as such, get to talk forever. It took a lot of luck and a couple good (it would be fair to call one unfair) trades to pull it off. The fantasy noobs among the family are now either gone or seasoned veterans at this point. The chances of another repeat are slimmer than ever. But I'll be damned if I don't try. Without further ado, the recap:

This league is a 12-teamer, standard lineup and scoring. I drafted in the 11th spot.

Round 1: RB, Maurice Jones-Drew
I think I said enough about MJD in my last post. I think this is right about where he should be taken, if not sooner. The only really notable thing about this round is that it included Cam Newton and Matthew Stafford, highlighting the trend (as I see it) of my family overvaluing QBs.

Round 2: WR, Larry Fitzgerald
I thought about taking Matt Forte. But I ranked Fitz in the same tier as Calvin Johnson, and I didn't want to miss out on the chance to have a solid base at the WR position. I wish he had another Kurt Warner throwing to him. But he's still the most fundamentally sound receiver in the game with excellent leaping ability and ball skills, making him both an excellent possession receiver and big play threat. When it comes down to it, it hasn't ever mattered who his QB is, he puts up numbers consistently, which is what I like to get out of my first couple picks. Being MN homers, AP went in this round.

Round 3: WR, Roddy White
If I liked him enough to grab in the middle of the second in a 10-teamer, you can imagine how giddy I was to select him at the end of the 3rd in a 12-teamer. I'm going to go on record as saying that Victor Cruz at pick 26 will end up proving to be one of the top 5 worst picks of the draft, especially considering, White, Welker, Marshall, Jennings, Julio Jones, Hakeem Nicks, and Andre Johnson were all still available, all of whom I LOVE compared to Cruz. I think at least 2, if not 4, of his big scoring plays last year were very fluky. Take those away and his numbers were like the Mike Wallace - Brandon Marshall cohort. I just don't think he has the talent to repeat that kind of year. Plus, it's damn near impossible to guess which guy Eli is going to be throwing to most in any given year.

Round 4: WR, Andre Johnson
He had fallen too far. I had to take him. I was really contemplating going with Fred Jackson, but I just had to take him. He belongs in the conversation for best (talent-wise) receiver in the NFL. I just don't know enough about what Fred's got in him after the injury last year (and getting older) and how the workload is going to get split in that backfield to not go with Andre. I just hope he can avoid the nagging injuries this year and play like he did in the playoffs.

Round 5: RB, Willis McGahee
If I knew I'd be landing Andre and Roddy, I would have taken Forte. Frankly, I needed sure RB points at this point. Aaron Hernandez was tempting. Apparently, one of my cousins hasn't figured out how to have consistent success in fantasy, as he again drafted a backup for every position and took San Fran's defense in this round.

Round 6:  QB, Eli Manning
I think it's safe to say I'm getting 4000+ yds and TDs approaching 30 with this pick. Not bad. He might go back to bad Eli and start throwing more picks again. But this is really the best I could do at QB. The other quality guys would be gone by the time I got to pick again. Also, the second defense went in this round.

Round 7: RB, Ahmed's boy, C.J. Spiller
It'll be interesting to see how he gets used this year. He was great in somewhat of a featured role in the last third of last year. I needed some RB depth and things were getting thin fast. He was the guy with the talent and potential to be huge and is already in a position to contribute at least something each week. Miles Austin and Aaron Hernandez are some potential steals from this round.

Round 8: TE, Fred Davis
He was on a nice pace last year. Then came the suspension. He's a little bit of a risk but he says he's changed his ways. Basically, I wanted to fill out my starting lineup before anything else and he was the best TE available.

Round 9: WR, Darrius Heyward-Bey
I think he's the best bet among the Oakland receiving corps to have a big year. If he doesn't turn out, it's fine, because I've got 3 guys who can very easily be top 10 receivers. First kicker taken.

Round 10: RB, Ryan Williams
From what I've heard, his legs are now held together by twigs and twine. The patellar tendon sounds like an awful thing to tear. But apparently he's got some talent and he's in the running for a starting job. Welcome to my bench. Way too many defenses and kickers taken at this point.

Round 11: RB, Pierre Thomas
One can only hope that the Saints will realize that Frenchy carries the ball a whole 1.2 yards further per carry than Mark Ingram does. Don't even try to tell me that that's because they carry the ball in different situations. It's because Mark Ingram is awful. He gets what is blocked and falls forward. Which is great if you're running a wishbone offense. He isn't even a better "goal line" runner than Frenchy. Oh well. Despite only getting about 10 touches a game he managed to scrape together almost 1000 total yards. I was desperate for some RB depth here.

Round 12: WR, Greg Little
I don't feel the need to back up Eli. I kinda wanted another receiver. He's the best (read: only) pass-catcher on his team. I'll take it.

Round 13: RB, Taiwan Jones
Darren McFadden isn't known for playing whole seasons. Taiwan Jones is firmly planted as his backup.

My lineup at a glance:
QB: Eli Manning
RB: MJD
RB: Willis McGahee
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Roddy White
TE: Fred Davis
flex: Andre Johnson
bench: C.J. Spiller, Darrius Heyward-Bey, Ryan Williams, Pierre Thomas, Greg Little, Taiwan Jones
DST: NYG
K: Alex Henery

I generally like this team. But unless I get really lucky on the waiver wire and/or make a significant trade, I don't think this team is built for a championship. I've gambled on trying to carry teams on the backs of WRs before. I think it may have been somewhat successful once. Every other time has been a horrible failure. I don't love my lack of RB depth. So I'm a little worried about that. I didn't realize that Fred Davis is one violation from a full-year suspension. In the end I think there are 2 or 3 teams that drafted better than me, and inevitably there will be 2 or 3 others that surprise you and remain dangerous competition all season. This should be fun.

Open wide

because your face is about to be "glazed" by the massive nerdgasm that is this post.

First: "Science"

I don't know if any of you have ever seen The Slo-Mo Guys on YouTube, but they do some cool vids with, you guessed it, a really expenseive "slow motion" camera that is capable of shooting thousands of frames per second in super high resolutions. Watch this slinky's center of gravity accelerate at 1 g, while the slinky as a whole conserves its total energy. ooooooooooh. science.

In other "science" news. I'm back at my old job at NOvA, building modules for a massive neutrino detector being constructed in Ash River, MN. I'm not entirely happy about it. But there's still enough familiar faces (and some of the new ones seem alright) to make it a fun workplace at times. And it puts money in the bank. So far the most frustrating part is being treated like a newbie by kids with half the experience there that I have. It was refreshing to hear one of them say, "You've worked here before, haven't you?"

More nerdiness inbound...

Some of you know that I'm a bit of a gamer. Well, lately (more like for the last half year) I've been playing a lot of Battlefield 3. This summer, I came across a community (know as Global Conflict, or GC for short) on the interwebs that, long story short, plays out one turn of a gigantic game of risk each saturday, with the battles over territory being fought out in 32 vs 32 matches in Battlefield 3. The players come from all over the world and after getting familiar with a few of them from voice chat on battle days and various forum posts, we managed to put together a ten-team fantasy football league...

which leads me to my first fantasy football draft recap of the season. 

The league setup is very standard: ten teams, standard scoring, standard line up (QB, 2x RB, 2x WR, TE, W/R/T, K, DST). Most of the managers are fairly knowledgeable about NFL football and drafted well. A couple of guys missed the draft and got autodrafted teams, one guy, known around GC to be a bit of a flippant jokester, drafted a team of basically all backup quarterbacks, and refreshingly, one British bloke actually knew his stuff pretty well, engaging in such lively discussions as which Denver WR is going to have the better year. Without further ado, my draft:

Round 1: RB, LeSean McCoy

I had the fifth pick. After Arian, Ray, Rodgers and Brady went, I was pleasantly left with a very easy decision. I've always been high on McCoy. This will be the third year in a row that I will have owned him in at least one league. I think his TDs will regress some, but he might see more use as a receiver like in previous years. Barring injury, which he is great at avoiding, he's a lock to be a top 5 running back, which is exactly what I want to get when drafting in the middle of the first round.

Round 2: WR, Roddy White

The surprise of the round was seeing Jimmy Graham go with the first pick. I have to admit, I made a mistake here. Unfortunately, I was drafting from my laptop which lacks the screen real estate and mouse precision that I'm used to, making flipping back and forth between the yahoo applet and my own excel sheet of rankings a bit sluggish. I also have to say "fuck you" to Yahoo for being so shitty at producing rankings and projections. I failed to notice MJD still on the board because he was so low on Yahoo's ranks and I figured he should be gone by this point. I don't think his holdout will last long enough to keep him out of any games. I know he'll be in shape. I'm not concerned about injuries or his workload. He was the rushing champ last year. Not much else is different about his situation compared to last year. Oh well. I took the 4th wideout off the board (following Megatron, Fitz, and AJ Green(?)). Roddy is consistent. Despite how much I love Julio Jones' freakish talent, Roddy's chemistry with Matty Ice isn't going anywhere, he won't face as many double teams, and he's in better shape than he was last year. I can't be too mad about this pick.

Round 3: RB, Steven Jackson

I see his floor as about 1200 total yards, 6 TDs. Despite his history of nagging injuries, he plays through them. He is that offense. I see this as a safe, unexciting pick, which I'm ok with in the 3rd round with all of the other "safe" running backs gone, the top 5 QBs gone, the better half of the "high-risk, high-reward" running backs off the board and already having an elite receiver.

Round 4: RB, Adrian Peterson

I told myself that if I already had 2 good starting RBs and Adrian was still available, I'd be taking him as early as the 3rd. His potential is just too high. As much as I try to deny it, I'm a Vikings fan. He's a beast. He says he's fine. The coaches and training staff aren't going to let him play until they're confident he's as ready as he'll be. He can sit on my bench half the season for all I care. I like this pick. 

Round 5: QB, Michael Vick

Here's to getting the 2010 Michael Vick. He was a little bit of a disappointment last year, and also showed why he's considered an injury risk. But he did show that Vickish explosiveness when he was healthy and finished the season strong. I don't think this pick could break my team, but it could certainly make it. I wasn't totally enthralled with the remaining pass-catchers and have to say that I successfully beat the impending run on QBs (Ryan, both Mannings, and Tony Romo all taken in the next round and a half).

Round 6: WR, Dez Bryant

He's a freakish athlete. He has trouble staying on the field. But gosh he's a freakish athlete. I'm bad at adjectives. He could be a top-five receiver with a full productive season. Let's hope I play him the right weeks.

Round 7: WR, Vincent Jackson

Josh Freeman and the Bucs aren't about to open up an air-it-out offensive explosion any time soon. But Vincent Jackson makes big plays. He's the best receiver on the team. Not a very exciting pick. He could bring back some of his glory days of old. I think that's more likely than him completely sucking. 

Round 8: WR, Miles Austin

I could end up getting nothing but headaches from my 2nd-4th receivers. But seriously, Austin was a 3rd round pick last year. When he's healthy and Romo is clicking, there's only a handful of receivers that drop numbers like he does. Unfortunately that hasn't happened very often lately. And his porcelain hamstrings are already acting up. 

Round 9: RB, Willis McGahee

Would you like a running back in the 9th round who got 15-20+ carries in most games last year and accumulated over 1200 total yards? You could have stopped there and I'd have been sold. But not only did he get a major upgrade at QB, but he got one that doesn't steal his carries. And there aren't any backups who are going to challenge his role as the starter and short yardage back. 

Round 10: QB, Ben Roethlisberger

I don't always draft a backup QB, but when I do, it's because I drafted Michael Vick as my starter. Vick will probably miss games this year. When I saw that the last borderline starter quality QB was still available, I knew I had to take him or take whatever fodder was on the waiver wire at some point. 

Round 11: TE, Tony Gonzalez

I love Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham... in the late second/third round. I like Gates, Hernandez, Davis, and Finley. But apparently other people like them more. It sucks to be the guy that autodrafted Jason Witten's deteriorating production and lacerated spleen (best wishes to Witten though. this is just a game after all and that's a very serious injury). After those guys it's you're pretty much getting the same vanilla TE. So I'll wait. and wait. and grab the steady Hall-of-Famer. He's basically going to catch the ball and fall down on the spot at this point in his career. He's lost a couple steps and some vertical leap to be sure. But his route running and hands are still tops in the game and should be good enough for 700 yds and 6 TDs with very little frustration.

Round 12: RB, Toby Gerhart

To be honest, I had forgotten about handcuffing Peterson. When he fell in my lap here, I was pleasantly surprised. He should be somewhat productive no matter how healthy Peterson is, which is nice.

Round 13: WR, Robert Meachem

I needed another backup receiver. He seemed to be the best available. I've never loved Meachem much, but at least now he should get consistent playtime and looks. Who knows? It's not like I "paid" much to get him.

Rounds 14 and 15. NE Defense and Kicker Rob Bironas

If you don't wait 'til the last two rounds to draft your defense and kicker (assuming fairly normal league rules), you're bad at fantasy football. I don't care what you say.

Now that I've geeked out in almost every way I know how, I'm going to go watch yesterday's episode of Breaking Bad, which I downloaded illegally. 

because this blog needs more music

i've been a huge passion pit fan for a long time.  the first time i heard this song (1st one below) i absolutely fell in love with it.



so i ventured into the unchartered territory of discovering, listening, and loving passion pit.  that led me to this song:



but man.  the music just keeps getting better.  i'll admit that i don't always keep up with when bands/artists drop new records.  so when pandora randomly stumbled upon this gem.  i just.  no words. lyrically the song is brilliant.  the hook at the beginning reeled me in.  then the chorus.  just too catchy.



hopefully you like this half as much as i do.

also: my semester has been awesome thus far.  i think it really is true what they say: the farther you go in education, the more you cater to your actual interests.  the more you focus on your actual interests, the more that you enjoy it.  i know it's kind of weird, but being paid to go to school to do stuff i love.  it actually makes school fun and enjoyable.  not to be a negative nancy, but three years ago if you had asked my opinion on that while at the u of m, i never would have written what i just did.  it's kind of funny to think how--in all actuality--we are still so young and have no idea what the future holds.  i couldn't even being to explain how much life has changed in the last 3 years.  i can only begin to guess how much more different it will be in 3 more years.

stay classy, blogosphere.

i think i might blog about this

i just got back from the grocery store.  all i needed were two things: a gallon of milk and some pork strips for stir fry tomorrow.

so i picked up those two items and headed to the check-out line.  behold!  a line with only one person with a handful of items?  i'll choose this one!

now you all may or may not remember a previous post in which i ranted about how i don't care if i have to wait in line to get groceries.  this is not a rant about waiting.  instead, this is a rant about really fun customers. it reminded me of the good ol' days when bockmed and i ruled the jungle otherwise known as arby's.

the man i chose to get in line behind was in a grocery store scooter.  you know, the ones that are made for handicapped people.  i'll give the man credit: unlike 98% of other people i see at grocery stores using scooters whose "disability" is being morbidly obese, this man had a legitimate physical impediment.  he was about 80 years old and rather frail.  his wrinkly hands shook as he lifted canned goods towards the cashier.  i could genuinely feel his back pain as a winced while reaching to get his wallet.

but, for the love of god, he did not appear to have any kind of mental limitation.  he was courteous, friendly, chatty, and amicable while putting his goods on the counter.  but when it came time to pay...i just had to facepalm.

cashier: "your total is $10.12."
(old man reaches into pocket, SLAMS a bunch of coins on the counter, and suddenly shifted from his sharp-as-a-tack playful wit to a man apparently hard of hearing): "THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO COVER IT!"
cashier, counting coins: "sir, you gave me 78 cents."
old man: "I OWE 78 CENTS?"
cashier: "no, sir, you only gave me 78 cents."
(old man reaches into pocket, SLAMS more coins on the counter): "THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF IT."
cashier: "sir, you only gave me an additional dollar and four cents.  you still owe $8.30."
(old man reaches into wallet, throws paper currency on counter)
cashier: "sir, that was a dollar."
old man: "IS THAT ENOUGH?"
cashier: "you still owe $7.30."
(old man reaches into pocket, slides something across the counter)
cashier: "sir, you just gave me 6 cents. [editors note: SERIOUSLY????] that was only a nickel and a penny.  do you have another $7.24?"
old man: "I GOT IT RIGHT HERE."
(old man proceeds to place a crumpled up ball of paper currency on the counter)
(as cashier unfolds ball of paper currency, coins begin to fall out of the middle)
cashier: "sir, that was $6.20.  you only owe an additional $1.04.  do you have that tonight?"
old man: "I HAVE A COUPON FOR THE OLIVES."
(cashier swipes coupon): "great! i just need an additional 64 cents."
(old man reaches yet again into pocket and pulls out 64 cents worth of pennies and nickels)

as the old man scooted away, i felt really bad for the poor cashier.  when i reached the counter, it looked like a bukkake scene from hell if instead of shooting out loads of semen men ejaculated spare change.  it was a disaster.  i tried to cheer the poor girl up.

ahmed: "well, at least he didn't pay in all coins?"

so today's tip of the hat goes to YOU, dear grocery check-out girl.  you had the patience of a saint, the customer service of a seasoned veteran, and the math skills of an MIT accountant.  thank you for letting me see firsthand the professionalism that is often missing in lower-level unskilled positions.  good work!

So I just got a haircut

Why'd you only get one hair cut? haherpdederp. Because hair can be fucking plural. That's why.

Because I'm a man, and a simple one at that, I get my hair cut at Great Clips. The following is the conversation I had with my cosmetologist when I walked in:

Hi! Welcome to Great Clips, my name is Juniper (it wasn't)! What do you need today [paraphrasing]?

Just a haircut.

Have you been here before?

Yup.

Can I get your phone number? (If she had asked me this at a bar, I would have given it to her just the same. She was kinda cute.)

*tells her cell phone number* (because it's the one I use at a different location, assuming all their databases are synched together)

Oh. It doesn't seem to be in the system. Might it be under a different number?

Why don't we just start fresh with that number? (I knew I would be under my old home phone number (which has long since been disconnected), along with my whole family)

Yada yada. Something about keeping our notes. Can I get your last name? [more paraphrasing]

Yeah, it's Lastname. L-a-s-t-n-a-m-e.

*Reads back old home phone number. Names off my siblings, father and a foreign exchange student who lived with us when I was in 5th grade.*

*looks confused/indifferent*

Is that right? Do you know them?

Yeah, I know them. But that's not me. (again, I'm a simple man)

No. Right. You're in there with them. Bockmed, right?

Yup.

Could I get your new number again.

*repeats cell phone number*

Alright then, Bockmed, come back with me. We're the second chair here on the right.



*******scene.********

Now if anyone in my family goes to that Great Clips, they'll be under my cell phone number. So much unnecessary confusion...




I'm sorry Juniper.

that time of year again

well folks, i just had my first fantasy draft of the year.  thus marks the beginning of the transition where TBTOO goes from short stories/videos/reddit material to non-stop football updates.

this league is with a buddy of mine from in town.  it consists of him, 10 of his friends from high school, and myself.  i really only know him.  all of them went to high school with my wife, so they kind of know who i am by association, but they aren't really close friends at all.

last year was my first year in the league.  they invited me to take over for a manager that stopped paying attention.  they all had this stereotype that i was a "big nerd" and thus would be easy money since, well, nerds don't know anything about sports.  (unbeknownst to them, i'm a hardcore sports fanatic.)

last year i took the team from dead last....to first place.  i'm proud of that.

what i also like about this league is that the winner gets a victory belt.  (it's somewhat reminiscent of the tv show the league for those of you that are familiar).  the belt is an old weightlifting belt that has been modified to include the league symbol, the history of champions, the final scores, etc.  the annual winner's name it etched on the side and they get to keep the belt for a year.  it's a cool idea.

anyway, as a recent married man, i had a lot of fun making this draft as awkward/sarcastic/uncomfortable as possible.  to these 11 guys the belt is like the shiva.  they covet it.  they flaunt it.  so, as such, i intentionally didn't bring it to the draft.

guy in the league: "where's the belt?"
me: "it's getting sterilized."

other guy in the league: "what has been your best moment with the belt?"
me: "i wore it on my wedding night."

yet another guy in the league: "why didn't you bring the belt to the draft?"
me: "do you have any idea where that thing has been?"

finally one guy just got it right: "how about we put the entry fees towards making a new belt?"

back to the draft.

this league is a "keeper" and i say that loosely, because you only keep one guy one round earlier than the previous season.  last year i took a stab at demarco murray in the 11th round.  let's just say i kept him this year in the 10th.  it's a half-point PPR league, reverse draft order based on standings, snake draft.  thus, i had the 12th, 13th, 36th, 37th, etc. overall picks all the way through pick 180.

round 1: darren mcfadden
-i know he's injury prone.  but this was my thought process: if he's healthy, i just got the best steal of the draft at number 12.  why not take that chance?  he's a stud in PPR formats.  if he stays healthy, he will be one of the top backs this year.  he has the capability of being the best overall running back.  oakland has a nice O-line, some decent receiving threats, and i just like mcfadden.  pleeeeaaaase stay healthy.

round 2: roddy white
-not high on him at all this year.  many of the upper echelon guys were keepers (i think ray rice went in the 7th, foster in the 8th, etc.) so by the time the 12th overall pick came my way, there wasn't much left in RB depth.  andre, calvin, welker, and fitzgerald were off the board.  for me, roddy was much more valuable than any other RBs or WRs on the board, so i felt the value was right.

round 3: marques colston
-i don't think brees will put up the numbers he did last year, but i do think colston will put up higher numbers than he did last year.  especially with meachem out of the equation and lance moore being susceptible to injuries.  i'm a little nervous about playcalling with a new coach, but with brees at the helm i'm just gonna trust that colston will be a solid #2 WR.

round 4: antonio gates
-i'm pretty high on gates this year.  he has said he's in the best shape of his life and that he was able to get rid of injuries over the offseason.  let's hope he was telling the truth because i usually never take a TE this year (especially with the depth at the position this year).  nonetheless, rivers doesn't have many targets to throw to in SD, so i'm hoping gates has a stellar year.  fingers crossed...

round 5: eli manning
-he was hands-down the best QB available, and my projections had him scoring considerably more than any other position player on the board.  i didn't want to risk him going off the board and having to gamble on a big ben/josh freeman type to be the weekly starter on my team.  i'm ok with eli.

round 6: shonn greene
-greene is one of my mid-level sleepers this year.  yes, tebow will probably get some of the rushes that would have otherwise gone to greene.  however, mcknight doesn't really scare me.  greene has good hands and is a viable flex option in a PPR league (which is exactly what i plan to do with him).  remember his rookie season when some took him as high as #4 overall?  i don't think greene will have upper-echelon numbers, but i do think at the end of the season most owners will look back and think "man, how did greene drop to the 6th round?"  i love him as a flex play.

round 7: kenny britt
-yes, i know he'll probably be suspended for the first 4 or so games.  but this was a huge value pick on the board in the 7th round.  why not take a stab at him?  i have roddy and colston, so it wasn't like i was planning on using britt as a starter.  let's say he gets reinstated week 5 and hypothetically returns to some of his pre-ACL monster numbers.  then i have one of the best receivers as my flex.  it's a gamble i was willing to take for the value at that pick.

round 8: greg little
-little is arguably my biggest sleeper.  i know he only had (i think) 2 touchdowns last year.  but he got a ton of touches for the browns.  (obviously when you think of cleveland, you don't instantly think of a high-powered offense.)  however i think he'll grow in his 2nd season.  if they get any semblance of an improved passing game, i know his targets will increase substantially.  he'll be a good bye-week filler.  nothing more, nothing less.

round 9: ryan williams
-i'm not convinced that beanie wells will end the season as arizona's starter.  williams gave him a huge run-for-his-money during training camp last year before succumbing to injury.  it should be noted that williams had a patellar injury, not a torn ACL/MCL/PCL etc.  thus, i don't think he'll lose his cutting ability.  i'm thinking he could be getting the majority of touches come week 6.

round 10: demarco murray
-what a steal.  the number 12 overall RB on my board taken with pick 109.  #winning

round 11: rashad jennings
-i'm willing to bet he gets at least 2 starts in september.  this was mostly just a flier in case MJD legitimately misses the entire season with his holdout.  i guarantee he doesn't, but rashad was worth the gamble.  plus, mcfadden and murray have the same bye week in week 5.  hopefully if MJD is still on his holdout it will last until week 5, because then i have yet another guaranteed starter in jennings.

round 12: brandon lafell
-trivia time: besides steve smith, who else is cam newton going to pass to?  give up?  the answer is lafell.  smith is getting old, there are no other legitimate receiving threats, and greg olsen can only do so much.  lafell has had a decent pre-season and i really think he'll get good looks and plenty of touches as the season progresses.  besides, by the time i would hypothetically need him to fill in a bye week, kenny britt should be back from suspension.

round 13: mike goodson
-clearly, he is my handcuff for mcfadden.  how no one drafted him beforehand makes no sense to me.  when you look at the top 15 running backs, you should ask yourself, "who among these is most likely to get injured?"  the answer should be "darren mcfadden."  i can't believe no one else jumped on him earlier.  (some handcuffs were being taken as early as the 6th and 8th rounds.  wow!)  now i'm feeling very good about my RB situation if injuries were to occur.

round 14: new york jets
-just a DST

round 15: (mr. irrelevant) blair walsh
-hopefully the pre-season is an indicator of what he'll do.  i just hope he's more accurate than in college.

LINEUP:
QB: eli manning
RB: darren mcfadden
RB: demarco murray
WR: roddy white
WR: marques colston
TE: antonio gates
FLEX: shonn greene
K: blair walsh
DST: new york jets
BN: kenny britt
BN: greg little
BN: ryan williams
BN: rashad jennings
BN: mike goodson
BN: brandon lafell

my overall thoughts:
i've never had a draft where i don't select a backup QB.  this is the first time i've ever done it.  my justification: eli's bye week is week 11.  so most of the season will be over by the time i even need him.  he's not historically injury prone, so there should be relatively little risk going with only one QB for the first 10 weeks of the year.  i'm reluctant about depending on antonio gates.  if he gets injured, there really is no one available as a free agent.  so my TE will just suck for the entire season.  i drafted strategically by selecting a QB, TE, and DST that all have different bye weeks.  the reason: i really like the potential my bench has and don't want to get rid of possibly 2 of them in one week if 2 of my positions that don't have backups both have bye weeks that week.  thus, come week 7 when gates has a bye, i only have to drop one of my bench guys (depending on production/battles it'll likely be a RB).  i can then drop the replacement person during my DST bye week (9) and my QB bye week (11).  blair walsh will just be dropped for a different K since there really isn't a difference in kicker production.  he may even be dropped earlier in the season if he has early-season accuracy issues.

i really like this team.  it has a ton of potential so long as everyone stays healthy.  almost my entire bench is a gamble, but i think at least one of them will pay off handsomely.  as long as i make it through the season injury-free, i think the belt may be coming back my way.

soccer fans actually helping their team

dang it, reddit, this is great.

sorry for all of the video posts.

dayum

this is ridiculously well done.

The end of a chapter

Today was my last day as a Co-Op (and possibly ever, in any position) at Delta.

I decided to participate in the blood drive this morning. Total waste of time. After sitting in line for an hour and a half, when the dude finally got the needle in my arm and was taking the sample vials, he turned around to pick something up from a nearby table. Unfortunately, the tube was caught on his coat and the needle got ripped out of my arm. Of course, once that happens they aren't allowed to start again.

Beyond that little adventure, my day was just tying up loose ends, saying goodbye to everyone and leaving early. It's bittersweet. I got plenty of professional experience and a lot of life experience from my time at Delta. Most of the people I worked with were very knowledgeable and very good at what they do and used that willingly to help me learn and grow. Everyone treated me very well and they definitely want me back. The co-op program is as much for them to find and groom talented young professionals as it is for the students to get a learning opportunity. But I don't think I'll be back. I want to do actual engineering work. You know, designing/testing stuff, rather than relying on past experience and the expertise of the OEM to justify certain actions. I want to get paid a competitive salary. Delta doesn't really do that for its engineers. I don't want to live in Atlanta. There's really nothing special about it. It's very much a city of commuters. And the summer weather blows.

All that said, I'm glad I got the chance to work for Delta (the travel benefits didn't hurt either), but I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my career and what life will have in store for me after I graduate this December.

I might post up a few stories about the fine folks at Delta from time to time.

today's logical question would be...

why don't coffee shops put more outlets closer to 2-person tables?  i'm hogging a 4-seater because i really need an outlet but the place is getting full and now i feel like a douche.

tomorrow's logical question: what will it be like--for the first time since june 28th--to have internet at home?

I thought I was pretty good at the internet

but due to the fact that I didn't even hear about this video until one of my coworkers pulled up a CNN clip talking about it, I have to say that I am indeed, not good at the internet. That might be a good thing, actually. But still, given my history of posting awesome K-Pop videos on certain persons' Facebooks you would think I would be on top of this shit. I kind of hope that this song becomes the new "Dougie" or "Soulja Boy" and everyone in America learns this dance and overplays the song.

Because it's that awesome.

P.S. I'll be leaving Georgia exactly one week from now.

i speak the truth

i can't post this on facebook nor can i tweet it since it will inevitably wind up on my facebook, (and i don't want to be murdered in my sleep) but i can confidently say the following:

marriage is nothing more than your partner no longer feeling obligated to hold in farts while around you.

there, that is your deep thought for the day.

really?

i apologize for not having blogged sooner, but i haven't had internet since june 28th.  couple that with all of the hectic adventures going on in my life....i've neglected TBTOO.  and for that i am sorry.

i just need to vent for two seconds.

first: to the douchebag taxi driver in daytona beach.  when you drive in a big circle, end up where you picked us up, and then proceed to drive to our final destination, it's pretty obvious.  if you're going to screw over a customer, don't take them back to the point where you first picked them up.  make a god-danged "S" instead of an "O" while driving.  you are an imbecile and should not be allowed to cheat honest people out of honest money.

second: to the publishers in charge of my paper deadline.  if you have certain guidelines that we must follow, please make sure they are explicitly stated.  when you say "vary subheadings and sub-subheadings with a new line" i'm under the impression that if i hit "enter" to begin a new subheading or sub-subheading, this constitutes a new line.  don't go back and tell me "you should make subheadings and sub-subheadings more distinguishable by typing them in boldface."  do you know how many subheadings and sub-subheadings the paper has?

moreover, when you explicitly state that "only tables, figures, and schemes need to have a list of appendix tables made" i'm under the impression that only those categories will require a list of appendix tables.  just because i have 12 maps included in my paper does not mean you can suddenly tell me i'm required to now include a list of appendix tables for the maps.  do you know where it goes?  under the table of contents.  do you know what that does?  it means that every single page thereafter is on a page number that is one unit larger than what it was previously.  do you know what that means?  i have to go back and change EVERY SINGLE PAGE NUMBER manually and add one unit to it so that now all the table of contents lines up perfectly.  screw you.

third: to the people at my place of employment.  (for those of you unfamiliar with the background story here.)  two research associates at my place of employment left prior to the summer.  with two fewer workers, it was known that they would be hiring one new person.  a research associate is the next step up from my current position.  it would be a logical hire--i've been there for awhile, i do all of the work that they do anyway, and i'm a student pursuing a Ph.D.  next to the director, i'm currently the second-most educated person at work.  everyone assured me i would be a shoe-in for the position.

well, here's a hearty "EFF YOU, place of employment" because do you know what they did?  they posted the job opening for 2 weeks....from july 13th to july 27th.

no.  no i did NOT have time to check the job availability during my wedding, my move to the new apartment, my honeymoon, and the one day i had before returning to work today.  a friendly reminder from ANYONE at work letting me know that the position was open would have been appreciated.

that is all.

I don't trust men with pony tails

But I do trust men with beards.

One of the guys I work near (let's call him Mike) is probably one of the most baller dudes I've ever met.

Here's why:

He's got a kickass, manly beard.
He's got 10 (11?) kids with another on the way.
Even though it's obvious his family is the center of his universe, he acts like he doesn't give a shit about them. He's told us stories about them. For example, one day he came home from work and was talking to his wife, who had a baby on her hip. It took him 20 minutes to realize it wasn't his and she was babysitting for some neighbor.

On the 4th of July, a reporter at the parade took note of one of his son's "exuberance" and wanted to interview his son (Dan):

reporter: Is that your son?
Mike: That one? I guess so, yeah.
reporter: How old is he?
Mike (to wife): Hey. How old is Dan?

When his kids misbehave, he often pulls the "How old are you? Don't you think that's old enough to know better than to do [bad behavior x]?" Partially because it's a good way to get them to think about actions and consequences. Partially because he needs a reminder of how old they are.

I've never seen anyone so excited for a Monday.
He commutes on a crotch rocket.

I think I  have a new role model.

I love you so much I want to punish you with my fist.

This video is funny. Not like super duper omg funny. But due to my suspicions that it will be taken down due to a certain obvious thing at the end, Imma link all of you loyal readers to it right now.

Oh Jon Lajoie.

Now I'm really itching for football season.

Throw your hands in the air...

and give me all your money!

So there's this girl. She's my old roommate's girlfriend. She, like he, is fairly socially and morally conservative, religious and is worried about what her family members see on her Facebook. So every week, to the day, since I've moved to Hotlanta, I've left some strange, typically inappropriate video on her Facebook timeline just to let her know that I miss having her around. There's been "Ice Cream Truck", some K-pop, loadsamoney, and some guy who will sit on you, but this week's is definitely my favorite.

I can't help it.
I lol every time.
How much is it?



I'm a dick.

Yo, lemme suck on them pretty toes

Today, I learned that there is a term for the bird goo that remains when a bird and an aircraft collide, and it's someone's job to analyze said goo to determine what kind of bird it was as part of the effort to prevent/avoid bird strikes (they are expensive and potentially very dangerous). The bird remains are termed snarge.

Now go play Scrabble/Words With Friends (just not on the runway) and impress everyone with your new word.

the things you call fate

hello dear blogosphere.  i have been neglecting you and for that i am truly sorry.

i'm sure by now people have seen on facebook, but for those of you progressive folk who deleted your facebook (i was cool like you for a little while) i have had quite the adventurous day.  where to start.

for the last few days i have had really bad back pain.  i don't know how to explain it, but it felt like there was a huge knot in the lower left flank-side of my back.  i had my lady punch it, massage it, apply pressure to it with her elbow, but literally nothing made it go away.  today i went to work and the pain was particularly unbearable.  plus, the searing jolts of pain moved to my upper left abdominal region.  again, i just didn't know how to explain it, but when i would take deep breaths or sit in certain positions, it felt like there was literally something underneath my rib cage.  it just felt bad.

after some quick searching on webmd and the mayo clinic website, i decided that i should probably get it checked out.  couple that with some ongoing nausea....i really needed an excuse to get out of work early.

anyway.  i went to the doctor, had some tests done, and it appears as though i am going through the ever fortunate event of passing kidney stones!  based on the doctor's expertise, it's not bad enough to where i need to break up the mass via vibrations (i don't know the technical term).  so they should be able to pass "naturally."  the doctor prescribed some muscle relaxants to help with the pain and passing of the stones.

so i went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine.  the pharmacist warned me that the medicine will make me quite drowsy.  he stressed that i should not drive and blah blah blah i wasn't really listening.

i read the warning label, made sure to take the pills with food, and started to do dishes to clean the meal i just made.  i was busy cleaning this huge bowl when--i'm not sure if due to the medicine or my epic clumsiness--it slipped out of my soapy hands.  in the milliseconds that i saw it fall on a perfect trajectory towards two glasses and a plate, i tried my best to grab it to make sure that nothing got broken.

the bowl shattered instantly upon landing on the plate.  upon shattering, the bottom part of the bowl stayed perfectly intact, but it's sides kind of fell forming what--in the best comparison i could make--looked like a church steeple with an epic point at the top.  although the bowl was now resting on the plate, motionless, my hand was still rapidly going towards it in a desperate attempt to prevent it from shattering.  in the most unbelievably epic way (which should hopefully explain just how many different pointy pieces it shattered into) it cut the far left side of my exterior lower pinkie finger, the very middle part between fingertips and elbow of the underside of my arm, and the inside part of my thumb just above the part that is kind of shaped like a ball.  i have NO idea how it managed to cut those three very different parts of my hand simultaneously.

blood.  was.  everywhere.

i tend to exaggerate, but by the time i got to the bathroom to clean the wound, a trail was running from the middle to my elbow, from my pinkie to my wrist, and my palm was absolutely dripping.  i've had stitches before, but i've never really been old enough to appreciate just how much blood comes out in order for them to be necessary.  it was just bizarre, but it seemed like as i was washing water on the wound, the equivalent amount of blood was coming out.  just crazy.  needless to say i applied pressure to that area like none other and got it taken care of.  it was funny because as i was going to get my thumb taken care of, the blood from the pinkie finger and the middle part of my arm just dried up and looked disgusting.  i can only imagine the thoughts that went through other people's minds as they saw a guy clearly in abdominal/back pain, hunched over, walking gingerly, blood crusted on his hand, applying bright red paper towels tightly-duct-taped to his thumb.  classic.

anyway, i feel like in the modern world of social media i have to keep everyone in the loop with live play-by-play of my kidney stone adventures.  for those of you interested in following me, my twitter handle is my firstnamelanstname all one word.  you can feel free to mention the live-tweeting epicness via #mylastnamevsthekidneystone.  this is so ridiculous, it might just be fun.

until next time, blogosphere.

A moose once bit my sister...

It really isn't that bad, but this made me chuckle. I am starting to get sick of being sweaty though.

I sell my used underwear on Craigslist

Am I a bad person?

It's friday night. I'm still a little congested from the cold I fought this week (In June? I know!), so I decided on no flying this weekend. I'm just going to have a chill weekend here in ATL. I can hear two of my roommates out in the living room. But I have absolutely zero desire whatsoever to get to know them better or "hang out" with them in any way, shape, or form. It's not that they've done anything wrong. They're pretty nice. They keep shit fairly clean. But Alvin's laugh makes me want to stab him in the dick. And I don't seem to be able to carry a conversation past three sentences back and forth with Daniel. It just sort of devolves into some statement with an inflection that makes it sound like a question, often ending in the word "or?" Which makes no sense to me and reminds me of a foreign exchange student my family hosted when I was in 7th grade who annoyed me in a similar fashion. Long story short, it's the minor differences in language (they both speak good English, Alvin is from India and Daniel from Germany) and a couple of mannerisms that just make it a chore for me to do anything more than politely say "hi, how are you?" when they come home in the evening (I'm usually home first, as I work roughly 7:30-4:00 on most days). I know. It's pretty petty, superficial shit. But it bothers me. Combine that with the fact that I only have to live in the same house with them for just short of 3 months, and you have one Bockmed that doesn't want to make friends. Plus In a typical day, I've got about 2 hours that I'm not eating, sleeping, working out, working, or getting ready for work, I'd like to just chill by myself.

So I ask again, am I a bad person for feeling this way about my housemates?


If it can be avoided, don't fly hungover. Last weekend, I headed back up to Minneapolis to hang with some of my homies, which basically meant a lot of drinking. Or if you're a certain friend and roommate, hanging out with your girlfriend in another city. After a night of shenanigans at the bars in Dinkytown and completely missing the events that led to one of my good pals breaking up with his girlfriend, I managed to stumble my drunk ass back to my old apartment and pass out at about 3:30. 2 hours later I woke up, still drunk, managed to pack everything I brought with me into my backpack (which just confirms that I have the best drunk autopilot of pretty much anybody I know), get on the light rail and make it on the 7:30 flight back to Atlanta. It sucked. Because it was turbulent. And I had a headache. And some nausea. Sentence fragment.

I think, tomorrow, I might go and watch some of the Red Bull soap box thing that's going on. I think watching people ride homemade contraptions down a hill might be amusing.

Toodles.


P.S. This week, I got to sit in the pilot's seat of a 747 that was in for some maintenance. Just another day in the office.

The Internet on one site

Sometimes, reddit turns up a real gem. Just the fact that someone had the idea to put together this kind of website makes me smile.

Here you go. Don't click this link at work, in a coffee shop if your screen is publicly visible, in front of your parents, in front of your SO, or around anyone else who doesn't have an offbeat sense of humor and a liberal view on "adult" material.

You're welcome?

here we go

this is great.

Hey Bockmed, how ya doin'?

Glad you asked blog. I'm doing pretty good.

It's hard to believe, but I've already been a Hotlanta resident for a week and a half. It's definitely hot. And humid. The weather in July will not be any fun.

I actually haven't had much opportunity to explore the city much yet. So far I've just sort of come home after work and just done my own thing... go for a run in the evening, watch some shows, play some vids etc... And I was out of town this weekend (I'll get to that), so so far I've really only become acquainted with about a 3 mile radius from my house and the highway between here and the airport.

Speaking of driving, there are some differences I've noticed in what it's like getting around by automobile down here compared to what I'm familiar with. For one thing, stoplights suck. You can literally sit at a red light for 5 minutes down here. They need to fix the timing of these things. Also, people drive in a little bit more aggressive fashion. The speed limit on my drive to work is 55. I often drive 70. And get passed a lot. And people honk for no perceivable reason sometimes.

Work is going well. I sit with a pretty cool group. Two of the guys have extensive backgrounds as mechanics and the 4 engineers in the engine condition monitoring/analysis subgroup I sit in are some of the coolest and most experienced engineers in the whole propulsion engineering group. Now that I've finally got a computer and a couple monitors and access to most of the stuff I need, I can actually stay fairly busy, which is kinda nice. It's also pretty cool being at Delta's maintenance center. I've had the opportunity to head over to the hangars/shops to check out airplanes/engines up close, which provides a nice sense of understanding and reality to the paperwork type stuff one does on a daily basis. I also finally got to see the GE90 turbofan engine which is the largest commercial jet engine in the world. The diameter is 128 inches. I could kneel on the fan case, and my head wouldn't come above the top of the center hub.

My housemates are nice, but kind of frustrating at times. While they all speak English fairly well, they are all foreign. The minor differences in vernacular, in combination with having nothing in common leads to only a few short, awkward conversations with each per day. It's a good thing I have the internet, and am starting to make friends with some of my fellow Delta cooperative education students (co-ops).

Which leads me to this past weekend's funventures. In fairly spontaneous fashion, two other co-ops and myself decided to head to Amsterdam after work on Friday. After a whirlwind adventure that involved me misplacing my keys and sprinting half a mile to our gate, literally making it a couple seconds before they would have given my seat to the next person on the standby list, I made it onto the flight to Boston. From there, we flew first class (my first time) to Amsterdam. Not to rub it into your faces, but I'm a pretty lucky SOB. Seriously. Who gets first class treatment for free. Airline employees, that's who. Sometimes I love standby flying.

Since our flight got in at about 5 a.m. local time, we kind of zombied our way to a hotel, where we crashed for most of the morning. Amsterdam is definitely a unique city. The weather was awesome (apparently it usually rains a lot), which made walking the city a treat. The streets in the city can be very chaotic, with narrow automobile lanes, sidewalks, bike lanes, and train tracks crowding each other out and often intersecting in bizarre fashion. Also, locals on bikes and scooters do not slow down if you happen to be crossing their path. They just honk/ring their bell and hope you get the fuck out of their way. One of my buddies managed to get hit by a bike twice. Apparently he doesn't learn very quickly.

You probably want to know about Amsterdam's more risque side. What about coffeeshops and the red light district? Well, I didn't really get the full experience. When we were at the Heineken brewery, we met a nice couple who told us about how a couple drinks and splitting a space cake (hash brownie) knocked them both on their asses (and the dude was a pretty big, muscular guy). With their guidance, and knowing that we had already had a lot of beer in us (Heineken ended up cutting us off. One server bitch didn't like how many free beers we got), we split a brownie three ways, hoping it would be just right. Honestly, I didn't feel a thing, but one of my pals ended up being pretty out of it. Based on this anecdotal evidence, I have to say that coffeeshops are very inconsistent in their baked goods. Maybe we should've smoked. Oh well. As for the red light district, it was about what you would expect, but can never really comprehend until you've seen it, and even then it's still fairly surreal. Amsterdam's liberal, tolerant nature is obviously a big point that draws in tourists. The district at night is definitely something to be seen. Most of the people wandering the streets are just tourists satisfying their curiosity, but at the same time, it's just bizarre to realize that the women in the windows (who were, for the most part, very hot) are indeed actually selling sex. It's kind of weird for a fairly sheltered American boy to be beckoned and propositioned by prostitutes. There are also a couple strip clubs and theatres with live sex shows (what the fuck is a banana show?).

All in all, Amsterdam is a pretty fun place, I wouldn't plan a trip just to see it, but if you're in France, Belgium, or Germany, it's definitely worth a day trip. You can see all the sites (the Anne Frank house, the Heineken brewery, the canals, some museums) in a day and enjoy some clubbing or other debauchery at night if you so choose.

If you've made it this far with me, thanks for reading, I'm doing good. It turns out I locked my keys in my car. Thank goodness I brought a spare set here.

I'll see you next time.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy

I threw a wish in the well. Don't ask me, I'll never tell. I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way.

This is Bockmed comin' at you from shitty hotel wi-fi in Caseyville, IL. If it is isn't apparent yet, my mind is a jumbled mess right now. I'm in a surprisingly good mood considering all I dealt with today. But we'll get to that.

Some of you know (and some of you don't) that Imma be interning with a certain company in the Hotlanta, GA area this summer, so today and tomorrow I'm road trippin' with my [one?] favorite ally. 

Today, I drove ~576 miles to get to where I am now, plus about another 30 due to a series of unfortunate events. But I'll allude to that later.

While it's on my mind... Foreigner's Urgent is a terrible song to come on the radio when  you need to piss like Secretariat. 

So I wanted to relate to the internet, which is mostly a few of my very close friends, the kinds of thoughts I had during my ~10 hours of driving today. Because that's about all you have to do when you're driving aaallll by yourself across fucking Iowa, in a car that maybe has A/C (It's about as capable of producing a cool breeze as a 90 year old asthmatic politician, so what you get is this kind of "is it cold? I don't know." kind of output that is 1 degree cooler than ambient so I just open the windows), no cd player, no auxiliary input, and I have no ipod radio adapter thing. So basically, I spent the day listening to whatever shit came on the radio. And believe me. There was a lot of shit. 

I fucking hate Nicki Minaj. Why is she famous? Why do people pay her to make what some call music? What's with the fucking voice change shit? And the lack of flow, and the rhyming of words with themselves? She exemplifies everything that is wrong with popular music today. Which reminds me, this guy makes a ton of valid points on the subject. I don't agree with everything he says, particularly the T. Swift hate, but it's hard to argue against him. 

You know what this country needs more of? Christian rock, Christian talk, and country music stations. There's a serious lack right now.

It was hot today.

Who hates Iowa? I hate Iowa. Seriously. Next to Kansas, it's the most desolate hellscape I've ever driven across. It's tearjerkingly boring. It's just an endless string of fields and farmhouses. but wait, in the southeastern corner, some of the fields have a gentle roll to them. Shit I'm already looking forward to the drive back in August, when the only thing I'll see is corn for about 5 hours.

At least Missouri looks kinda like Minnesota, but with less Evergreens. But their road system. What the fuck?

I bet the meeting where they decided how to name their highways went something like this:

"Dude, brah, bro, Broseidon, bro cookie, I've got this great idea for trolling drivers. What if we, guys, what if we name the roads, guys, what if we name the roads just a letter?"

"Um, that's actually kind of a good idea. That would really simplify things."

"No dude. It looks like the joke's on us, but secretly, the joke is on drivers, because we won't put them in any logical order, and sometimes, we'll double the letter."

"Good one, brah. They'll be so trolled."

scene.

But despite all the rageworthy occurrences of the day, I'm actually in a really calm, peaceful state. And with that, I'm gonna go to bed. Because I have another 9 hours of driving tomorrow and I want to get an early start. Moar updates later. I promise.

Your bonus words of the day are:

You didn't have to stoop so low: have your friends collect your records and then change your number.

as two former employees

this doesn't surprise me.

this is my worst fear

Neon burns on 371 | BrainerdDispatch.com | Brainerd, Minnesota

an advocate

as someone who has had 3 concussions and has faced the repercussions of them, i am just baffled at how ignorant the NFL is at admitting that their sport causes serious, significant, permanent, life-altering injuries.

with my passion for sports and love of documentaries, i have watched a bunch of different films that provide an undercover/in-depth perspective of life after the NFL.  one such documentary, blood equity, is available for free right now on hulu.  it's not the best look into the life of a former NFL player, but it definitely shows how debilitating the injuries can be--not just for you, but for your loved ones as well.

the facts are pretty straightforward: the NFL consistently refuses to pay for procedures and surgeries of former players.  the NFL only provides players with insurance for 5 years after they retire.  (most life altering injuries do not occur until after a player has been out of the league for 5 years.)  the NFL continues to allocate a ridiculously small portion of its general fund to concussion, traumatic brain injury, and neurological research.  this is the same NFL that had over $7 billion in its coffers as of 2008.  that number is only going to grow exponentially.

the reason i write this is because less than a few hours ago it was announced that junior seau committed suicide near san diego.  junior was my favorite defensive player growing up.  he was one of the few players who still made an impact at the tail end of his career.  he was a dominant force who had entire offenses scheming on how to take him out of a play to expose every other weakness of the defense.

he was a great guy.  but he was also a guy with a history of concussions, head injuries, and a plethora of other physical problems he probably neglected to tell anyone about.  he battled on the field.  he wouldn't come out of games.  the trauma to his brain likely was augmented by these decisions.  i understand he had a passion and fire for the game that was unmatched by anyone.  and that he ultimately chose to stay in the games.  but dang it, NFL researchers, this is another suicide that could have been prevented.

seau was found dead with a self-inflicted wound to his chest.  this was eerily reminiscent of the way that dave duerson committed suicide.  duerson intentionally killed himself in the chest so that researchers could use his brain for scientific purposes to further prove that the NFL and head injuries cause life-altering problems that can lead to manic depression and, in some cases, suicide.  i can't help but wonder if seau did the same thing.

RIP, junior.  you will be sorely missed.