we can save this blog

hide in your shell

i had a pretty jam packed weekend.  i won't go into all of the details, but i figured that this one aspect of the weekend was worth sharing.

on friday i was invited to a meeting put on by the city of moorhead.  it basically consisted of short-term flood preparation and long-term flood mitigation strategy for the FM area.

it was pretty cool because i got to meet governor dayton, senator franken, and a laundry list of local politicians.  aside from all of the politicians, there was also the head of FEMA V (the district we are in), the head of the state of minneosta's emergency management department, the lead engineers from the army corps of engineers, the head of the national weather service's flood prediction center, and many other science/engineering experts.  the point of the meeting was basically just to give an overview of what the plans are to combat the upcoming 2011 flood.

aside from all of the leaders and officials, i think there were only about 8 of us who were invited.  i'd say 6 were from local tv stations, 1 was from the newspaper, and 1 was some graduate research intern with a sicknasty jew fro.

shortly after the meeting i met up with tday, stiche, and jeff at the OB and we were just chit-chatting.  i told them about this and they really enlightened me as to why i was invited.

me: "i think after me, the next youngest person there was at least 55 years old.  i'm pretty sure that's just why they invited me: to make sure they had the "young people" demographic covered."
stiche: "actually, i'm pretty sure they just wanted the islamic population represented at the meeting."

....and there you have it, folks.  they played the race card on me.

i was there to increase the diversity.  and it totally makes sense.  when i look back at the meeting i can say with complete certainty that i was the only minority in attendance.

thank you, fargo-moorhead metropolitan area.

Some People's Kids...

So I have this cousin who I look up to in many ways who is now about 25. He's a hilarious guy who is always busting out weird sayings and odd notions. So lately one of his things to go off on (jokingly) is how we need to beat our children more. At family gatherings when a younger cousin might mouth off to an uncle or something he'll say, "you should have beat him more." Or if he does something stupid he'll say, "Dad, you should have beat me more as a kid."
Don't worry I'm getting to my point.
Fast forward to last night. I was at a little party talking to a couple friends off to the side as things started to wind down when this skinny, pasty white, freshman looking kid with a Phoenix Suns hat (we'll call him Fuckstick) comes over to pick up his jacket or something when the following ensues:
Fuckstick: "What's up my niggaz?"

Now, being the decent, relatively non-racist white person that I am, I thought 'hey, that's really not cool.'

Me: "You might want to be careful what neighborhoods you say that kind of shit in."
Fuckstick: "Thanks for the advice, Freshman."

I think my cousin is right. Somebody should have beat this douchebag more as a child, because god knows I wanted to, and some day he might just piss off the wrong dude.

Do I really look like a freshman?

thank you, fargo

my oh my what excellent spelling we have.

i kind of want want to reply to the ad spelling "al uv mi werdz fu-net-ick-lee."

plow up mattris...classic.

workin' at the car wash

so let's say you're a poor college student.  you're up to your ears in student loans.  and you just got your financial aid for the semester.

now let's say that you're doing your budget and you realize that by the time september rolls around...well, you'll just be flat out of cash.  and then you'll have to pay tuition.  and 4 more months of rent.  and utilities.  and groceries.  but you really don't want to take out any more loans because, as previously mentioned, you're already up to your ears in debt.

well, if you find yourself in this situation, odds are you blog by the moniker "ahmed."

you may ask, "how exactly does one remedy this situation?"

well, it's easy: lately i've been trying to find a job.  but given the poor economy and a small labor market in the FM area, jobs are hard to come by.

every single day i check my three key sources--the fargo forum's (local newspaper) job ad, craigslist, and the ndsu part-time job bulletin.  

i've noticed that there are a few key positions in high demand in the area.  unfortunately, i am not qualified for any of them.

job 1: welder.  

i don't know why, but whenever i think of  a welder, i always think of the movie "october sky" and when the display at the national science fair gets stolen.  so they call back home at the last second and the token big black guy makes a replica of the engine thing.  you probably had a tough time following that vague last sentence.  the point i'm trying to make: whenever i think of "welding" as a profession, i just imagine standing in a very big open room in the middle of a factory next to a bunch of burly black men all wearing protective goggles.  that's not really my cup of tea.  plus, almost all of them require some type of technical degree with a few years of experience in welding.  so.....i won't be a welder any time soon.

job 2: trucker.

just about every day there will be roughly 10 to 12 posts for companies hiring pickup and delivery drivers.  they need to have special "class a" (or "class d" or "class something") licenses.  i don't have one of those.  but aside from that obvious setback, i also don't want to get fat anytime soon.  and i'm not good at growing a beard.  and i don't want to die of a heart attack in my early fifties.  so.....i won't be a trucker any time soon.

job 3: nurse.

i've often heard that if you are a nurse you're guaranteed a job because they are in such high demand.  (stiche, god bless you.)  let me say that i have nothing but the utmost respect for nurses....my mother is a nurse, my grandmother was a nurse anesthetist, and i have many more family members that work in the medical field.  but i don't.  i mean, i'm a geographer by trade.  maybe i could make maps of the human body or something, but i'm pretty sure that not much has changed with human anatomy over the last few years.  i'd be useless in a nursing setting.  so.....i won't be a nurse any time soon.

job 4: receptionist/secretary.

i cannot believe how many places in this town are currently looking for a full/part-time receptionist.  this is the only job that i might be remotely qualified for.  most of them ask for "exceptional customer skills," "previous cashier knowledge," and "an overall positive attitude."  pretty sure i have all of those.  plus, someone has to break the mold of the stereotypical "hot chick secretary."  i mean, i have the jew fro going for me...isn't that enough for customers to look at?  but really, i've always seen myself as being the cause of a divorce via some ridiculously scandalous affair at work.  (note: i've never seen myself as that guy before.)  i mean, i'd definitely do whatever it takes to get a raise from my douchebag boss.  what's that?  you want to play "unfaithful-senator-meets-whore-at-the-shadiest-motel-in-town?"  and if i play the whore i'll get a raise?  you got it.  the only downside to these ads is that almost all of them as for a minimum of 3-5 years of previous receptionist experience.  once again, i really don't have that.  so.....i won't be a receptionist any time soon.

what's really a bummer is that almost every application asks for your previous employers (which for me is even more embarrassing than the fact that i currently don't have a job).  i mean, aside from pissing 2 years of my life away at arby's, the two places i worked at before that don't even exist anymore...that's right, both businesses folded.  so when i have to check/uncheck the box that says "may we contact your previous employer?" i never really know what to do.  i mean, how do i put "actually, the previous businesses folded after i worked there" into a tiny little box?  

you know, as i write that, i now realize that arby's actually declared bankruptcy not too long ago.  holy crap, there may be some missing link here.  perhaps wherever i work is destined to (shortly thereafter) fail.  hmmm maybe i'm on to something.  

interviewer: "so what separates you from other candidates for this position?"

ahmed: "well, once i'm finished working for you, you'll either relocate or fold altogether."

interviewer: "welcome to the team!"

yeah, it'd probably go something like that.

well blogosphere, i have to plot the demise of a few businesses...err....i have to fill out a few applications.  until next time, keep the oven toasty.

Superbowl Analysis Time

Well, it was an exciting game. The Packers once again this season overcame injuries and, as I hoped, the Steelers lost, and Aaron Rodgers got the MVP he deserves (the guy won me some cash this year). But as much as I hate the Steelers, I can't help but know that a couple years from now, after getting swept by the Vikes, Packers fans are going to go back to living in the past (like they always do) and bring this up with their classic "when was the last time Minnesota won a Superbowl?" as if it'll matter then... and that kinda pisses me off.
I also hope that all the Favre talk just ends. Acknowledge that Rodgers is a different QB and give him the respect he's earned.
Also...
Insert Roethlisberger rape joke here.

deep sigh

wherever you are right now.  have a drink for this man.  sip to him tonight.

he was a superhero, a best friend, a role model, and a grandpa all wrapped into one.

RIP, best buddy.

why didn't we think of this?

bockmed, you and i could have put together a brilliant video just like this one.  oh well.

tip of the hat to dabo

it's a good day to be a clemson football fan.

have you seen the updated maxpreps and rivals rankings?

clemson now leads the nation in 5-star recruits.  i can live with that.

i'm sorry jerry kill, you didn't inherit many good brewster recruits.  but maybe you can work your pipeline magic and bring in some better players over the next few years.

ahh, who am i kidding.