How to eat a Bagel

Every once in a while, I might partake in a bagel. When I do, I like to toast it well and usually like cream cheese on my bagel. Because I like my cream cheese to be cold and creamy to provide a contrast to the hot and toasty bagel, I spread the cream cheese on one half, eat it and then spread cream cheese on the other half. This is because if you immediately spread the cream cheese on both halves, the cream cheese on the second half will become warm from the heat of the toasty bagel by the time you're ready to eat it.

On another note, I will be partaking in No Shave November again this year, and for fun, will be documenting the journey of facial hair with a short video each week. (The video is really short, a picture would really suffice, hence the duration, but I'm lacking in the camera department. Also, the audio didn't pick up very well so please leave comments saying how shitty my video is.)

Op/Ed 10/30/10

"the blame game"

by now, most sports fans are aware of the tragedy that occurred at notre dame.  declan sullivan, a film student working for the notre dame football team, lost his life after the 50-foot-tall hydraulic lift he was filming on collapsed due to a 60+ mile per hour gust of wind.  just minutes before dying, declan wrote two separate tweets on his twitter account:

"gusts of wind up to 60 mph.  well today will be fun at work.  i guess i've lived long enough."

"holy s***.  holy s***.  this is terrifying."

clearly, sullivan should not have been filming practice in such weather conditions.

since the accident, many columnists, news reporters, and sports anchors have called for the firing of both the notre dame athletic director and head coach brian kelly.

i, however, could not disagree more.

sure, it can be argued that there is some burden of blame to be placed on the AD and head coach.  no life should ever be in jeopardy during a football practice.  it's one thing to have a team practice in the elements, but it's something altogether different to have it be filmed from a 50 foot tower in the same conditions.

in fact, ohio state head coach jim tressel intentionally moved his practice indoors when the exact same storm system moved into columbus.  his reasoning had nothing to do with the football team.  tressel admitted that he only moved practice inside to protect his cameramen.  tressel wanted the practice to be videotaped, but realized that the weather conditions couldn't permit taping.

many writers have suggested that tressel's logic be used to fire kelly; if tressel can see the danger, then surely kelly should have seen it as well.

i realize that i may be the only one on earth to defend brian kelly, but let's just call this what it is: a freak accident.


brian kelly is a good football coach and an even better guy.  it is undeniable that he has always looked out for the best interests of his players, assistants, and interns.  i absolutely guarantee that kelly never intimidated, pressured, or forced sullivan to climb up and film in those conditions.  ultimately, sullivan had a choice: film or don't film.

from every article, report, and story i have heard, nowhere has there been any indication that kelly asked or required sullivan to film on that day.  sullivan willingly climbed up the hydraulic lift, began recording, tweeted his fears, and tragically passed away.

the reality is that this was a horrific event.  a tragedy.  a freak accident.  sullivan's family will undoubtedly receive a settlement.  notre dame will have a tarnished reputation.  new security measures will be added for those filming practices.  but please don't place the burden--or the responsibility of taking away a life--on brian kelly.  the man just doesn't deserve it.

it is a shame that kelly will forever be inextricably linked to the day that declan sullivan died.  i just hope that he isn't also linked to unfairly losing his head coaching position.

alpha kenny body

kevin wu is one of my favorite people.  perhaps you know him better by his youtube moniker "kevjumba."

basically, the kid is this hilarious asian who just video blogs about things in his life.  he's been doing it for about three years, and lately has been adding his father into most of his videos.  in fact, he gained so much fame and following, that he and his father were even invited by CBS to be part of this season of the amazing race.

i'd highly recommend watching his youtube channel.  he alone is ridiculously brilliant, but when you add in his father (immigrant, strict values, "old country" philosophy) the contrast between "modern young american" and "elderly disciplined immigrant" makes for some great exchanges.

i've been a loyal fan of his for awhile, and thought that i should share at least one video with the TBTOO network.  enjoy--it's a classic.

ohh the humanity

RIP paul the octopus.

tuesday afternoon haiku for you:

the oven is on
the buns will soon be baking
do not burn the buns.

Football

The leaves are almost all done changing and that means one thing. Football season is now more than well under way and there's a lot to talk about.

Let's start out at the high school level. While I don't pretend to follow it, I just did a little reading up on my Brainerd Warriors. It's good to know that Ron is still getting it done. The boys in blue turned in an 8-0 regular season and play the winner of the Buffalo-Tech game in the section playoffs next week. It's also good to know that Ron is still calling about a 9:1 run:pass ratio.

Moving on to college, it's no surprise to see the Gophers sucking really, really hard this year. With Brewster's terrible playcalling and with just about all of Mason's last good recruits leaving after last year, there was never much hope to begin with. I for one believe it was the right move to fire Brewster. Some would tell you that firing him mid-season is a bad move for the players and for recruiting. I, however, believe that the reduction of booing by home fans can only improve player morale, and having more time to search for a "Tubby-esque" coach is a pretty good thing. As for things on the national level, we're seeing some relatively unfamiliar names occupying the top 5 after number 1 lost two weeks in a row. And when was the last time Michigan State led the big ten?

The NFL season has been kinda crazy so far. I don't think I've every seen so many injuries to start out a season, with head injuries bringing a lot of attention. One item arousing much controversy is the fining of Harrison, and Robinson for their hits last week. I'm sort of torn on the issue. On the one hand it seems wrong to try and change the way players play the game mid-season and issue huge fines without any prior warning. But on the other hand, like Herm Edwards said on ESPN, no one ever taught anyone to tackle with your head down and I think the mentality that a lot of defenders have needs to change. Every game, you see defenders flying horizontally at head level of a player who is either sliding or is already wrapped up with a knee down. There's a difference between that and gang tackling and there's a difference between putting a shoulder into a receiver's midsection and hitting a receiver in the process of catching the ball in the head or flipping them upside-down.

The Vikings have disappointed many with their slow start but I'm really not that surprised. Everyone knew Brett Favre was an interception machine and at 41, was going to have some health issues. Last year was possibly the best season that Brett ever had and to expect a repeat was naive. I expect to see the Vikes compete for a playoff spot and at best win a wildcard game but last year's magic is gone.

The teams that are good this year aren't too surprising. Most people probably expected to see the Steelers (fuck em) and the Jets of the league near the top but there are a few surprises (see: cowboys, vikings, chargers, 49ers) near the bottom.

And finally, let's talk fantasy.
Things three leagues have taught me this season:
1) Roddy White is a beast.
2)You should probably draft a running back before the 6th round. Having five of the top 16 WRs the top TE, and a QB who threw for4700 yds last year will leave you at 2-6
3)Speaking of, I hate Greg Jennings. I don't know how many times he's had less than 30 yards while Malcolm Floyd and/or Brandon Lloyd go off sitting on my bench.
4)14 team leagues are way more fun than 10 team leagues.
5)Try to have a commissioner and managers who can get the league set up in time for the draft. Drafting after week 1 sucks. Arian Foster was one of my favorite sleepers, and I had no shot at him after that insane week 1 performance.
6)Old running backs never accomplish anything unless they have some connection to the Jets.
7)Don't give up on the best running back of the last decade.
8)With a few exceptions, WR performance is unpredictable.
9)Don't discount the value of an elite QB.

Here's to another two months of America's favorite sport.

Op/Ed 10/23/10

"not happy 4 you"

by now, most everyone has heard of brett favre's racy text messages sent to former new york jets sideline reporter jenn sterger.

infidelity, however, is nothing new to the world of the rich and famous.  it seems as though we are constantly turning on our televisions, reading a newspaper, and listening to the radio and learning about the latest allegations made by individuals about famous people and their infidelity.

it impacts hollywood.  professional athletes get caught up in it.  musicians are found to have a mistress on the side.  infidelity forever alters the lives of big-name politicians and religious leaders.

but what we rarely hear about is the other side of the story.  the husband or wife being cheated on.

it is with this thought, however, that i simply must ask: brett favre, what were you thinking?  seriously, have you seen deanna favre?

i don't care how "old" she is.  deanna favre is smokin'.  i will never understand what could possibly possess brett favre to do anything against his wife.  she loves him.  she always supports his ridiculous retirement antics.  she fricking survived cancer.  and, frankly, she's hot.

so today i salute you, mrs. favre, and want you to know that your husband is foolish.  no one will understand his ways.  you are to be commended for your strength during these unfortunate times.  all i can say is forget your husband, and whatever is the least creepiest way to say it, i want you to know that i would much rather want to receive inappropriate texts from you.

stay classy, deanna, and stay foolish, upper echelon of celebrity society.

a date that will remain in infamy

october 22nd, 2010.

a date that will forever be remembered as "the day that happy harry's stopped carrying anchor steam."

for those of you who know me fairly well, you know that one of my absolutely favorite beers is anchor steam.  brewed out of san francisco, it has a unique flavor.  a little on the bitter side, slightly hoppy, great aroma, smoothness, and ultimately a great beverage experience.  if you're like me and enjoy occasionally trying a new beer from a different part of the country, might i suggest starting with an anchor.  if you haven't tried it, you're really missing out.

unfortunately, being as i currently live in the midwest, anchor steam isn't readily available.  that being said, for the last 10 months that i have lived here, i've always been able to count on everybody's favorite liquor store--happy harry's--to have a six pack in stock at all times.

today, however, i was faced with the stark reality that they no longer carry anchor steam.  talk about an epic fail.

as i drove home, i contemplated the impacts that this could possibly have on my life.  as an active research intern and generally smart grad student, i've compiled numerous cost-benefit analyses and impact statements in my day.  thus, i decided...why not do the same and address what a lack-of-anchor-steam means to me?  the following is a graph that indicates my results.

Fig. 1.1 Anchor Steam Impact Analysis
Winners	Losers
-My wallet	-Happy Harry’s
-My liver	-Anchor Steam Brewing Company
-Monte’s Bar/Restaurant	-(losing) my inhibitions
-My neighbors	-My belligerent side
-My toilet	-Friends who are “already there”
-Sober me	-My tastebuds

as you can see by this graph, i'd argue that there are almost more net benefits than costs when anchor steam is taken out of my life.  let's address this situation further.

the first winner is my wallet.  lord knows that i've spent a pretty penny in my day buying six packs of anchor.  sure, it's not too expensive, but money is money.  the second winner is my liver.  i don't think that needs much explaining.  perhaps the biggest winner of them all is monte's bar.  as far as i know, they are the only bar in town that has anchor on tap.  (john alexander's has it in bottles...but you get my point.)  at $4 a pint, it's a bit more expensive than buying a six pack.  but nonetheless, one of my favorite bars and considering i can no longer enjoy anchor from the luxury of my apartment...i imagine i'll be making quite a few more stops at monte's.  my neighbors are also probably happy that happy harry's no longer is carrying anchor.  there have been far too many nights where i have capped off the evening with an anchor at home.  add in to that equation that i brought back 6 or 7 friends to my place...and you can imagine it gets pretty noisy.  (although since the start of the new school year i have had quite a few new neighbors...most of whom are louder and more annoying than i am!)  my toilet is definitely a winner.  do i need explain more?  the last and final winner:  sober me.  no longer will i wake up to a mountain of dishes, an obliterated bathroom, and a mess left behind from my friends.  (plus, cooking breakfast without a hangover is just so much more entertaining.)

as is the case with everything in life, with the winners come the losers.  the first loser is pretty obvious:  happy harry's liquor store.  i practically own a few bricks in your building solely due to anchor.  the second loser is anchor steam brewing company.  i can't wait to see your fourth quarter earnings losses on account of i no longer can buy your six packs.  another loser: my inhibitions (or lack thereof).  really.  i like losing them now and then.  those of you who have been with me while drinking know that i really lack a belligerent side.  that being said, i'm a really fun tipsy muslim.  also, for friends who are "already there" when we go out, anchor provides an easy, delicious outlet for me to "catch up" to the rest of you.  speaking of delicious: perhaps this is what i'll miss most...the crisp, refreshing, not-too-bitter-not-too-hoppy joy that encompasses my taste buds every single time i crack open a new anchor.

well.  there's only one thing to do:

find an appropriate substitute.

until next time, keep it toasty.  because buns absorb lots of friday night activity.  and that leads to a more pleasant saturday.  have a good weekend blogosphere.

smoking my coffee and sippin a cigarette

dear economics professor,

right now you are making me feel as though i am reliving a really bad memory.

i, for one, do not understand some of your actions in class.  take for example our trusty, awkward, shy, and lovable TA.  just look at him in all of his nepalese glory.  the brown skin.  the glasses.  the heavy accent.  the seemingly unpronounceable name.

speaking of his name, dear professor, i am shocked that you still can't pronounce it.  i understand you are a 65-year-old hardass who grew up on a small-town north dakota farm.  but really, "praw-baw-car" is pretty easy to say, don't you think?  yet, every single time you ask him for his input, i can only chuckle when you say, "pruh-backer."  i apologize for the times in class that i have laughed at "pruh-backer" but, honestly, all i can picture in my head is you saying, "pruh-backer, go get me some tuh-backer!"

and then i start to imagine you and the TA toking up in the middle of the room.  i'm sorry if my chuckles have caused any inconvenience to your teaching style.

but, dear professor, i'd like to make a suggestion.  why oh why do you believe in midterms?  this is a graduate level class.  mr. professor, perhaps you haven't heard the news, but graduate courses don't have midterms.  thus, why am i forced to take one?  and why must you insist that we have 2 throughout the course of the semester?  i am a research student.  let me help you get something published so that i can take your vanity to the next level.  maybe you'll get awarded a grant and then you can buy even more flannel button-up shirts to further stereotype your farming lifestyle.

and one last thing dear all-knowing professor, all of us students realize that your midterm is meant to belittle us.  we, too, view it as an embarrassment that we have a "take home" midterm.  what is this, high school?  if you want us to learn something, then by all means, help us learn.  but the last thing we need is a take home test.  i guarantee i don't remember anything from this class.  why retain any of your information when i can look up the answers to your midterm questions in a matter of seconds via the internet?  clearly the best way to "learn" something worth 50% of your grade is to take it home and use outside sources to help you ace the test.  you definitely planned that one out.

and i forgot, ridiculously brilliant professor, but the wording of your questions is horrible.  everything is genuinely a trick question.  for example, we learned that the definition of an "open system" is one in which energy and material both enter and leave.  and then we learned that only living things are "open systems."  and then you stressed that the economy is not a living thing.

so when your question asks, "an open system is one in which energy and material both enters and leaves the system, as is the case of the movement of energy through the open system that is the economy" and you ask us to identify this statement as being either "true" or "false," i want you to know that based on your instruction, the answer to this question is simultaneously "true" and "false."

luckily for you, i created 2 other boxes below the "true" and "false" options.  one read, "tralse" and the other read "frue."  i checked both.  hopefully you get the hint.

a sign of the times

by now you have probably seen this video on youtube.

i honestly don't know what to make of it.  it's either ridiculously brilliant, creative, and full of ingenuity...or it just proves how pathetic our society has become.  i don't know if the fact that we can literally perform an entire song on a phone is artistic passion or just plain old laziness.

nevertheless, this video is impressive.  i just don't know for which reasons...

Fun With Physics or: The Racist Post

Today was my first day of work at the NOvA project. For those of you who don't know what that is, the short story is that it's a particle physics research project (my buddy Dan gives a brief explanation to the Daily). As a student worker, my job is basically to help manufacture neutrino detector modules. As far as first days on jobs goes it was pretty good. It kicked off with our eccentric yet no-bullshit boss talking to the day's group for 45 minutes. I spent the rest of my shift learning how to string and thread fiber optics through plastic cells. I think I'm going to like this work experience. I get to set my own hours, and though great care and quality control must be maintained, it probably won't ever really be that hard. The students I will be working with seem to be a pretty good cross-section of engineering and physics students at the U (that is, a bunch of geeky white dudes with a token chick and an Asian or two) and everyone seems nice enough so far.

If you've ever talked to me about classes this semester, you probably know that I have a physics prof. who I describe as being almost too Asian. Don't get me wrong, his knowledge of physics is probably off the charts and his written English grammar is usually almost perfect, but his accent is heavier than my Buick and culturally he is all Asian. So in today's lecture, in a flash of cultural misunderstanding, in order to emphasize a point, he somehow ended up flipping the whole class the bird for about 15 seconds. Other brilliant moments this man is responsible for include an unaware "double rainbow" reference and the quote "the right hand can be very handy."

Keeping the racism flowing, here's a sketch from Dutch West Comedy that will leave a guilty grin on your face.

Also, there will be a "Magic Negro" (David Ehrenstein's words, not mine) sighting this weekend at the U as our president comes to rally support for Mark Dayton's gubernatorial bid which I might as well check out.

Today I learned exactly why the sky is blue and stoplights are red.

It's the little things that get you through the day.

rants and raves

well, it's monday.  and that means that the weekend is now a distant memory.  i don't have time to write an all-out post, but i do have time to briefly summarize some of the "good" and "bad" things that have been going on in my life.  hopefully this will help you catch up.

good: apparently i won $8 at blackjack on friday night.
bad: losing $40 the next day.
good: did you see that op/ed piece?
bad: not remembering writing that op/ed piece.
good: vikings pulling out a "W".
bad: david akers.  dude.  you single handedly lost my matchup.
good: i got approved for my new apartment!
bad: all of the paperwork you have to fill out to leave my current apartment...
good: i cleaned my apartment.
bad: cleaning said apartment makes me realize how much of my hair is falling out.  bald by 30?  perhaps.
good: finishing up all of my papers for class.
bad: working on my thesis.
good: having a bachelor's degree.  finishing up your master's.
bad: not being able to find a job.
good: voting at the midterm elections.
bad: north dakota candidates constantly knocking on your door trying to get your vote.
good: coming to the cities in the middle of november.
bad: not having a break until then.
good: hilarious craigslist stuff.
bad: the rand paul/jack conway race.  wow.

until next time,
keep the oven toasty.

How to be the best bike ever

Step 1: Get a flat rear tire.

Step 2: After enduring the messy process of changing the tube, get another flat in the same wheel the very next ride because the tiny piece of glass embedded in the tire doesn't poke through the inside of the tire when there isn't any pressure on the tire so your owner misses it the first time.

Step 3: Reveal that your hub is also loose.

Step 4: After your owner changes your most recent flat, have a pinch flat and release all the air in your rear tire with a nice loooong hiss.



I'm not even mad anymore.

Op/Ed 10/16/10

"be careful what you wish for."

a recent article from the washington post suggests that chinese citizens are tired of diminishing human rights and limited freedom within the communist system.  as you read this, wen jiabao is attempting to mobilize the communist party of china and win the upcoming elections.

as most americans would argue, china's integration into the capitalist system presents opportunity for the average chinese citizen.  while i wholeheartedly agree with this statement, i urge the western world and "global north" to take caution when examining the results of the upcoming elections.  i, like most logical thinkers, am thrilled that china is beginning to embrace not only capitalism but the opportunities that it can bring to an entire nation.

that being said, we need to beware of the negative impacts that said integration can have on the entire economic system.  daly and farley point out that capitalism's throughput has dire environmental consequences.  throughput (otherwise thought of as low-entropy resources transformed into high-entropy waste via the capitalist system) is unaccounted for in the circular flow model.  when you take into account the fact that china alone--separate from the rest of the developing world--will become one of the largest users of fossil fuels, mineral resources, water, renewable energy, and waste absorption, the reality is disheartening.

ultimately--not only the environment--but the economy as a whole will suffer with china's integration into the capitalist system.  and, as previously mentioned, these facts pertain only to china's progression into capitalism. when you take into account the demands and resources needed by the rest of the developing world--particularly brazil, russia, india, and indonesia--the future becomes rather bleak.

most of our blog readers are aware of my political persuasion.  that being said.  maybe change isn't what we should embrace.  perhaps just this once we should hope for familiarity.  communism may not always be the answer, but when it comes to china's economic aspirations, perhaps--just this once--we should forget about "change" and instead give our wholehearted support to the "chains" that have tied down china literally for generations.

+10 points to whomever can tell me how much i've consumed tonight.

thirsty thursday...FIRST VIDEO BLOG!

oh hey there kids.  please click here to enjoy our first ever video blog.

until next time, keep the oven toasty.

Deep Thrusts

The other day I was watching some SportsCenter when this little Geico commercial (the one with the woodchucks and the old guy) reminded me of a note I wrote down a few years ago and posted up on the facebooks. So I figured I would go ahead and put that wonderful stream of thoughts in its rightful home. Here it is.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Probably a lot. They're beefy little critters. I bet if they could stand on their hind legs, had rotatable shoulders and opposable thumbs to grip the wood, they could probably chuck a lot of wood. But, how much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I don't think they would chuck very much wood. If they were capable of chucking wood, they would probably dedicate themselves to tasks that they would also be able to do if they could chuck wood. Like building houses or chucking stones. Plus if your name was Carpetthrow, wouldn't you think it a little cliche to be throwing carpet all the time? You probably wouldn't feel dignified, and would likely avoid throwing carpet.




You're welcome.

wild about wilde

i have a hands-down new favorite tv show this season.  if you haven't heard of it, "running wilde" is, in my humble opinion, brilliant.

the show follows steve wilde, (played by will arnett) a multi-billionaire oil heir.  he is essentially the epitome of a rich snob.  he is vain.  selfish.  has no idea how the real world operates.  has every material possession possible.

when his childhood crush, emmy kadubic (played by keri russell) comes back into his life, his one goal is to sleep with her.  emmy, however, hails from a lower-class background.  as she grew older, she also grew to hate everything steve had become: spoiled, unconcerned about the earth, and egoistic.  because of these beliefs, emmy works as an environmental activist...and runs many efforts to stop steve's oil company from drilling in remote parts of the third world.

as the series has progressed, there has been a unique interplay between steve trying to "do what is morally right" to get in emmy's pants and emmy "getting reacquainted" with the luxuries of life in the united states.

the show goes far beyond your run-of-the-mill love story.  the show is written so well that it is entirely about trying to court your childhood crush, yet simultaneously has nothing to do with love at all.  every episode has been filled with clever political undertones and comedic life lessons.

when you combine the ridiculously brilliant comedic timing of will arnett with the "radical environmental terrorist" portrayed by david cross, the homosexual insinuations from steve's personal aid, mr. lunt, (played by robert michael morris) the hispanic butler (migo) with a gambling problem, (played by mel rodriguez) and the air-head best friend and fellow billionaire fa'ad (played by the incredibly talented peter serafinowicz...rumored to be taking over steve carell's role in the office) the show is simply a hit.  when you add on top of this the perfectly delivered punch lines from stefania lavie owen (the child actress who portrays "puddle," emmy's love child) you have a show that has it all.

every single time i watch the show i get that feeling...the one where you know you're watching something that could really take off.  it's kind of like that feeling you get when you're back home for thanksgiving break and wake up to your mother baking the dinner in the oven.  and how right before the big meal, all you can smell are the delicious, fluffy, gooey, flaky buns baking.  you know you're about to enjoy something incredible, and you know you want seconds (and thirds...and fourths...really, wouldn't the world be awesome if we had thanksgiving dinner every single day?).

running wilde is the rare breed of show that leaves me wanting more.  why eat three buns when you can have four?  so today, as one-half of the founding fathers of TBTOO, i would like to give my seal of approval and recommendation to you that you watch running wilde.  you won't regret it.  if you love that feeling you get from smelling buns baking in the oven...then i'm sure you'll also love running wild.

until next time, keep it toasty.

i think they enjoy buns

sorry, but i just couldn't resist.  stumbleupon...you've done it again.

go north, young man

i officially have a new apartment.  i move in on january 1st.

i'll spare you all of the boring details about all of the new amenities that i'll get to enjoy.  i'll just say this:  one of the big selling points it that i'm upgrading from my current kitchenette to a fully furnished kitchen.  this is a pretty big deal because, well, i cook a lot.  a kitchenette just has 2 hot plates, a sink, and a cutting board.  nothing too luxurious.  the new place comes complete with 4 hot plates, oven, fridge, 2 sinks, microwave, and plenty of cupboard space.

the oven is the key factor here.  because i plan on cooking up some mean hot cross buns.  for those of you currently with an oven, here's a recipe you might enjoy for some fresh, steamy buns:

Traditional Hot Cross Bun Recipe Ingredients:

• 630 grams of strong white flour
• 130 grams of raisins and sultanas or mixed dried fruit
• 90 grams of plain sugar
• 50 grams of plain butter cut into small chunks
• 2 teaspoons of fast action yeast
• 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, mixed spices or even Chinese 5 spice
• 1 medium size egg
• 300ml of milk
• The zest of 1 lemon and 1 orange

Ingredients for the Topping:

• 2 tablespoons of plain flour for the cross
• 1 tablespoon of golden syrup for the glazing

Directions for Baking Hot Cross Buns:

1. Sieve the flour and ground mixed spice into a large mixing bowl, then rub in the butter using your fingertips. Make a well in the centre of the mixture and add the sugar, lemon and orange zest and yeast.
2. Add the milk and beaten egg to this mixture and stir until it becomes a soft but solid dough then mix in the raisins and other dried fruit.
3. Sprinkle a kitchen surface with flour and then knead the dough on the flour gently for around 3-7 minutes until it is smooth and workable.
4. Grease a warm bowl with butter and place the dough in a ball in the bowl. Cover this with Clingfilm or preferably a clean cloth tea towel and place the bowl in a warm place for about 2 hours occasionally working it and then replacing it in the warm bowl. This will help the dough rise slightly.
5. Again put the dough onto a floured kitchen top but this time split the dough into 12 equal bits and work the pieces into balls or bun shapes.
6. Grease a baking tray with butter and lay the buns out equally spaced. As with the dough cover the buns with a clean tea towel or Clingfilm and leave to rest again in a warm place but this time for just around 30 minutes. While the buns are resting preheat the oven to 250C (480F or Gas 8).
7. Also, while waiting for the buns, prepare the topping which consists of mixing the plain flour with a drop of water to create a smooth and slightly runny paste. Then when the buns are done resting use this paste to draw a cross on each hot cross bun. For best results use a piping bag for the crosses.
8. At this point the buns are ready to go into the over for around 10 minutes or just until they are golden, depending on the oven this may be quicker or longer. Once out lightly coat the buns with golden syrup or for an alternative why not try maple syrup which is just as sweet. Once cool the buns are ready to eat!

They can be served cold or toasted, with butter or jam and make a lovely breakfast treat. This recipe is tried and tested, making home made hot cross buns a piece of cake this Easter or any time of year! They will fill your house with a delicious, spicy baking aroma and are guaranteed to fly out of the kitchen.

i don't really know who measures things in "grams" and "milliliters," but they look like delicious buns.

Speaking of Randy Moss

Why is
<<< this guy
still on the field?

I blame the parents.

Someone once said that there are no stupid questions...

I'm thinking about writing a movie based on real events. No seriously, this kind of thing happens every day.

---------

Classroom - Day

It is a stuffy little basement classroom. Students are packed into tight rows of old, uncomfortable chairs. There are equations on the board describing the pressure of a fluid acting on a body. The professor is discussing an example involving a cylinder. There is a convincing 3-dimensional depiction of a cylinder drawn on the board.

A boy raises his hand.

Professor

Yes?

Front Row Hero

So, just to clarify, are we working on a sphere or a cylinder?

Professor

A cylinder.

Front Row Hero

So it's the force on a sphere?

-------

.... only stupid people who keep asking questions.

Op/Ed 10/09/10

i think i'm going to start a new tradition here at TBTOO and post a simple op/ed piece every saturday.  it lets me look foward to ranting and you can look forward to a little insight into my life.  for the first op/ed, i'm just going to use a classic post from the mustache blog.  seeing as how november is right around the corner, i feel as though the post is pertinent to our lives today.  i kept the original post in tact, so just pretend the dates are correct and the names make sense.  until next time, keep the oven toasty.


"in times of shrinking expectations...the bread party rules supreme"


november seventh. 

get out and vote.

most of you know how i will be voting, (some may even be suprised to know that i'll choose a democrat or two) but i feel the need to say something...that perhaps is true of a heartless conservative:

i love negative campaign ads. they spice up everything--providing me with some much needed dirt on one candidate--and absolutely nothing about the other.

but really, what in life isn't negative these days.

i can sit infront of the TV for ninety straight minutes...watching the 5 o'clock news, national news, and 6 o'clock wrap-up without learning about one positive thing that happened over the duration of the day.

some of you may contend, "but kubas, with basic cable you have no exposure to the real world." i see the same things on ABC, FOX, NBC, CBS--nothing "positive" is happening.

and don't even get me started on commercials. i can't stand it when people gripe about how "[insert major party candidate] said some inappropriate words about [insert other major party candidate.]" have you seen TV lately?

it never fails that each day subway tells me how much better their food is than the other major food chains. verizon wireless has more minutes than t-mobile which, somehow, makes them better. t-mobile is cheaper than motorola. motorola is older than unicel. everyone can agree that unicel just blows. excuse me, i don't even own a cell phone. eleven times a day i'm informed that nine new toyotas get more than 30 miles to the gallon, but the average chevy only gets 25. but wait! chevys have 4 star crash ratings, unlike any 3 1/2 star dodge. apparently dodge has better customer service and warrantees than toyota...so i am forced to live with even more of these commericals. perhaps i should try taking lunesta because, fortunately, i won't become dependent. then again, ambien CR allows me to fall asleep faster and longer. maybe what i really need are more commercials clarifying how much the other brand sucks. 

so to you, mr. pawlenty, and you, mr. kennedy--keep 'em coming! you make the one constant in my life that much more enjoyable. i'll see you in 12 days.

keep it like a secret

on sunday morning i went to church.  with my girlfriend studying abroad for the semester and her sister out of town for the weekend, i was attending service alone with just her parents.  just the three of us.  no big deal.

after the service ended, her parents invited me out to lunch.  i understand that for many young men this might be a bit awkward or intimidating, but for me it's really not too bad.  i'm at the point where i know both of her parents fairly well and they know me as well.  they know i'm a good guy with a smart head on my shoulders and that i'm relatively harmless.  

when we got to lunch, there was about a 30 minute wait to be seated.  shortly after waiting for a half-hour, our table was ready and we were seated.  at the exact moment that we got our table, my girlfriend's mother noticed that our pastor from church had just walked through the door with his family.  apparently they had the same idea of where to go for lunch as well.

my girlfriend's father and the pastor at church are pretty good pals.  they have developed a rapport that is really unmatched by many people i know.  after the pastor and his family waited for about a half-hour to be seated, as all luck should have it, his family was placed at the table right next to ours.  

upon walking past our table and realizing it was my girlfriend's family, the pastor's face instantly lit up as he stopped at our table, shook my girlfriend's parents' hands, and joked with the family.  after looking my way, he had a bit of a puzzled look on his face, and asked, "now who are you?"

before i could even get a word out, my girlfriend's father answered,

"this is my future son-in-law."

i think there was a subtle hint somewhere in there...but i'm not quite sure if i got it.

i left that lunch somewhat intimidated, pondering the future, and with a french fry lodged somewhere in my left lung.

F**king Noob Tubes

On most days, I perceive the efforts of the various Evangelicals and Environmentalists on Northrop Mall to be petty and futile. How much power does a petition or a bunch of pledges really have? I think very little. Who are you really going to persuade with your shouted Bible verses and pamphlets? So most days I keep my eyes ahead, earbuds in and walk right past that free pocket New Testament.

But if you ever feel like canvassing a campus to pimp your cause or get petitions signed, here's a recipe I found today for the type of person you want to send out on these canvassing missions:

1 part pretty face
1 part laid-back approach
2 handfuls of mama-given mind control

combine ingredients and age about 20 years

presto! instant canvassing success!

Now you have to realize that I hate redundancy and that my absentee ballot should be getting here any day now.
But I bet you won't guess who has two thumbs and wasted two minutes pledging to vote in this November's elections.

Hi-de-ho There Neighbor

As half of this dynamic duo, I'd like to extend to you my welcome to TBTOO.

This is a safe place. A womb, if you will, where you may come, day or night, to be nourished with thoughts and life stories from Dr. Kubas, and myself.

I will do my best to not let this hearth go for too long without baking up a hot, sticky, sweet story, insight, or observation.

So sit down and stay for a while, will you? The buns are always fresh.

check out those buns!

Welcome to Minnesota, Randy Moss.

back in the saddle

ladies and gentlemen,

i'd like to personally welcome you to TBTOO.  we here at TBTOO have a simple philosophy: to keep the oven on at all times and constantly pump out warm, delicious, gooey buns of goodness.

wherever you are reading this right now--work, school, home--we understand that you may not always have access to an oven.  so we promise to feed your appetite for puns, anecdotes, jokes, and the day-to-day activities that define our lives.

it has been awhile, blogosphere.  but boy oh boy is it good to be back.

until next time, keep those buns toasty.

Amniotic Fluid

Back in the day, when we were Bock and Muslim Magic, an episode of 24 inspired the monikers Ahmed and Bockmed with an unforgettable line from a young terrorist to his unfortunate would-be friend: "What friends? You can't even pronounce my name. It's Ahmed (A-phlegm-medd), not Ahmed (Aww-medd)." It was so epic. So poetic. It stuck. That moment began a bromance for the ages.

Fast-forward to a recent a quiet Saturday night we spent together. Something happened. Let's say that things got hot.

We have an announcement to make.

We're having a baby. This is it. A place for us to share with each other, and with you, whatever our hearts desire.

And so without further ado, ladies and gentleman, children of all ages, we present to you our love child: The Bun To Our Oven.