Throw your hands in the air...

and give me all your money!

So there's this girl. She's my old roommate's girlfriend. She, like he, is fairly socially and morally conservative, religious and is worried about what her family members see on her Facebook. So every week, to the day, since I've moved to Hotlanta, I've left some strange, typically inappropriate video on her Facebook timeline just to let her know that I miss having her around. There's been "Ice Cream Truck", some K-pop, loadsamoney, and some guy who will sit on you, but this week's is definitely my favorite.

I can't help it.
I lol every time.
How much is it?



I'm a dick.

Yo, lemme suck on them pretty toes

Today, I learned that there is a term for the bird goo that remains when a bird and an aircraft collide, and it's someone's job to analyze said goo to determine what kind of bird it was as part of the effort to prevent/avoid bird strikes (they are expensive and potentially very dangerous). The bird remains are termed snarge.

Now go play Scrabble/Words With Friends (just not on the runway) and impress everyone with your new word.

the things you call fate

hello dear blogosphere.  i have been neglecting you and for that i am truly sorry.

i'm sure by now people have seen on facebook, but for those of you progressive folk who deleted your facebook (i was cool like you for a little while) i have had quite the adventurous day.  where to start.

for the last few days i have had really bad back pain.  i don't know how to explain it, but it felt like there was a huge knot in the lower left flank-side of my back.  i had my lady punch it, massage it, apply pressure to it with her elbow, but literally nothing made it go away.  today i went to work and the pain was particularly unbearable.  plus, the searing jolts of pain moved to my upper left abdominal region.  again, i just didn't know how to explain it, but when i would take deep breaths or sit in certain positions, it felt like there was literally something underneath my rib cage.  it just felt bad.

after some quick searching on webmd and the mayo clinic website, i decided that i should probably get it checked out.  couple that with some ongoing nausea....i really needed an excuse to get out of work early.

anyway.  i went to the doctor, had some tests done, and it appears as though i am going through the ever fortunate event of passing kidney stones!  based on the doctor's expertise, it's not bad enough to where i need to break up the mass via vibrations (i don't know the technical term).  so they should be able to pass "naturally."  the doctor prescribed some muscle relaxants to help with the pain and passing of the stones.

so i went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine.  the pharmacist warned me that the medicine will make me quite drowsy.  he stressed that i should not drive and blah blah blah i wasn't really listening.

i read the warning label, made sure to take the pills with food, and started to do dishes to clean the meal i just made.  i was busy cleaning this huge bowl when--i'm not sure if due to the medicine or my epic clumsiness--it slipped out of my soapy hands.  in the milliseconds that i saw it fall on a perfect trajectory towards two glasses and a plate, i tried my best to grab it to make sure that nothing got broken.

the bowl shattered instantly upon landing on the plate.  upon shattering, the bottom part of the bowl stayed perfectly intact, but it's sides kind of fell forming what--in the best comparison i could make--looked like a church steeple with an epic point at the top.  although the bowl was now resting on the plate, motionless, my hand was still rapidly going towards it in a desperate attempt to prevent it from shattering.  in the most unbelievably epic way (which should hopefully explain just how many different pointy pieces it shattered into) it cut the far left side of my exterior lower pinkie finger, the very middle part between fingertips and elbow of the underside of my arm, and the inside part of my thumb just above the part that is kind of shaped like a ball.  i have NO idea how it managed to cut those three very different parts of my hand simultaneously.

blood.  was.  everywhere.

i tend to exaggerate, but by the time i got to the bathroom to clean the wound, a trail was running from the middle to my elbow, from my pinkie to my wrist, and my palm was absolutely dripping.  i've had stitches before, but i've never really been old enough to appreciate just how much blood comes out in order for them to be necessary.  it was just bizarre, but it seemed like as i was washing water on the wound, the equivalent amount of blood was coming out.  just crazy.  needless to say i applied pressure to that area like none other and got it taken care of.  it was funny because as i was going to get my thumb taken care of, the blood from the pinkie finger and the middle part of my arm just dried up and looked disgusting.  i can only imagine the thoughts that went through other people's minds as they saw a guy clearly in abdominal/back pain, hunched over, walking gingerly, blood crusted on his hand, applying bright red paper towels tightly-duct-taped to his thumb.  classic.

anyway, i feel like in the modern world of social media i have to keep everyone in the loop with live play-by-play of my kidney stone adventures.  for those of you interested in following me, my twitter handle is my firstnamelanstname all one word.  you can feel free to mention the live-tweeting epicness via #mylastnamevsthekidneystone.  this is so ridiculous, it might just be fun.

until next time, blogosphere.

A moose once bit my sister...

It really isn't that bad, but this made me chuckle. I am starting to get sick of being sweaty though.

I sell my used underwear on Craigslist

Am I a bad person?

It's friday night. I'm still a little congested from the cold I fought this week (In June? I know!), so I decided on no flying this weekend. I'm just going to have a chill weekend here in ATL. I can hear two of my roommates out in the living room. But I have absolutely zero desire whatsoever to get to know them better or "hang out" with them in any way, shape, or form. It's not that they've done anything wrong. They're pretty nice. They keep shit fairly clean. But Alvin's laugh makes me want to stab him in the dick. And I don't seem to be able to carry a conversation past three sentences back and forth with Daniel. It just sort of devolves into some statement with an inflection that makes it sound like a question, often ending in the word "or?" Which makes no sense to me and reminds me of a foreign exchange student my family hosted when I was in 7th grade who annoyed me in a similar fashion. Long story short, it's the minor differences in language (they both speak good English, Alvin is from India and Daniel from Germany) and a couple of mannerisms that just make it a chore for me to do anything more than politely say "hi, how are you?" when they come home in the evening (I'm usually home first, as I work roughly 7:30-4:00 on most days). I know. It's pretty petty, superficial shit. But it bothers me. Combine that with the fact that I only have to live in the same house with them for just short of 3 months, and you have one Bockmed that doesn't want to make friends. Plus In a typical day, I've got about 2 hours that I'm not eating, sleeping, working out, working, or getting ready for work, I'd like to just chill by myself.

So I ask again, am I a bad person for feeling this way about my housemates?


If it can be avoided, don't fly hungover. Last weekend, I headed back up to Minneapolis to hang with some of my homies, which basically meant a lot of drinking. Or if you're a certain friend and roommate, hanging out with your girlfriend in another city. After a night of shenanigans at the bars in Dinkytown and completely missing the events that led to one of my good pals breaking up with his girlfriend, I managed to stumble my drunk ass back to my old apartment and pass out at about 3:30. 2 hours later I woke up, still drunk, managed to pack everything I brought with me into my backpack (which just confirms that I have the best drunk autopilot of pretty much anybody I know), get on the light rail and make it on the 7:30 flight back to Atlanta. It sucked. Because it was turbulent. And I had a headache. And some nausea. Sentence fragment.

I think, tomorrow, I might go and watch some of the Red Bull soap box thing that's going on. I think watching people ride homemade contraptions down a hill might be amusing.

Toodles.


P.S. This week, I got to sit in the pilot's seat of a 747 that was in for some maintenance. Just another day in the office.