hello dear blogosphere. i have been neglecting you and for that i am truly sorry.
i'm sure by now people have seen on facebook, but for those of you progressive folk who deleted your facebook (i was cool like you for a little while) i have had quite the adventurous day. where to start.
for the last few days i have had really bad back pain. i don't know how to explain it, but it felt like there was a huge knot in the lower left flank-side of my back. i had my lady punch it, massage it, apply pressure to it with her elbow, but literally nothing made it go away. today i went to work and the pain was particularly unbearable. plus, the searing jolts of pain moved to my upper left abdominal region. again, i just didn't know how to explain it, but when i would take deep breaths or sit in certain positions, it felt like there was literally something underneath my rib cage. it just felt bad.
after some quick searching on webmd and the mayo clinic website, i decided that i should probably get it checked out. couple that with some ongoing nausea....i really needed an excuse to get out of work early.
anyway. i went to the doctor, had some tests done, and it appears as though i am going through the ever fortunate event of passing kidney stones! based on the doctor's expertise, it's not bad enough to where i need to break up the mass via vibrations (i don't know the technical term). so they should be able to pass "naturally." the doctor prescribed some muscle relaxants to help with the pain and passing of the stones.
so i went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine. the pharmacist warned me that the medicine will make me quite drowsy. he stressed that i should not drive and blah blah blah i wasn't really listening.
i read the warning label, made sure to take the pills with food, and started to do dishes to clean the meal i just made. i was busy cleaning this huge bowl when--i'm not sure if due to the medicine or my epic clumsiness--it slipped out of my soapy hands. in the milliseconds that i saw it fall on a perfect trajectory towards two glasses and a plate, i tried my best to grab it to make sure that nothing got broken.
the bowl shattered instantly upon landing on the plate. upon shattering, the bottom part of the bowl stayed perfectly intact, but it's sides kind of fell forming what--in the best comparison i could make--looked like a church steeple with an epic point at the top. although the bowl was now resting on the plate, motionless, my hand was still rapidly going towards it in a desperate attempt to prevent it from shattering. in the most unbelievably epic way (which should hopefully explain just how many different pointy pieces it shattered into) it cut the far left side of my exterior lower pinkie finger, the very middle part between fingertips and elbow of the underside of my arm, and the inside part of my thumb just above the part that is kind of shaped like a ball. i have NO idea how it managed to cut those three very different parts of my hand simultaneously.
blood. was. everywhere.
i tend to exaggerate, but by the time i got to the bathroom to clean the wound, a trail was running from the middle to my elbow, from my pinkie to my wrist, and my palm was absolutely dripping. i've had stitches before, but i've never really been old enough to appreciate just how much blood comes out in order for them to be necessary. it was just bizarre, but it seemed like as i was washing water on the wound, the equivalent amount of blood was coming out. just crazy. needless to say i applied pressure to that area like none other and got it taken care of. it was funny because as i was going to get my thumb taken care of, the blood from the pinkie finger and the middle part of my arm just dried up and looked disgusting. i can only imagine the thoughts that went through other people's minds as they saw a guy clearly in abdominal/back pain, hunched over, walking gingerly, blood crusted on his hand, applying bright red paper towels tightly-duct-taped to his thumb. classic.
anyway, i feel like in the modern world of social media i have to keep everyone in the loop with live play-by-play of my kidney stone adventures. for those of you interested in following me, my twitter handle is my firstnamelanstname all one word. you can feel free to mention the live-tweeting epicness via #mylastnamevsthekidneystone. this is so ridiculous, it might just be fun.
until next time, blogosphere.
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