This is for Stich

because I didn't want to post a really long comment, and more interested people are likely to see it here.
Also I'm going to apologize in advance for the number of parentheses you're about to encounter.
I should preface any advice with... I'm new as hell to the "knowing anything about computers" club and most of what I'm about to tell you is second hand knowledge from my own personal research, not experience. You can probably put together a pc capable of running any game out today (though most probably not at the higher graphics settings) starting in the $600-$700 range. If you're interested this is a list of the components that went into my computer (plus a DVD burner which was about $20 and legit copy of windows 7 for $200 (ouch)).
There are 8 basic components that you need to have for a functional computer:
1)CPU aka Processor
2)GPU aka Graphics card
3)RAM
4)Motherboard
5)Hard Drive (or a solid state drive (or both) but those are kinda (really) spendy still)
6)Optical Drive
7)Case
8)Power Supply

about:
1)The CPU is the brain of the computer. The two main brands that make processors are AMD and Intel. From what I've gathered, both put out a quality product that will work well and last. Intel's 2nd generation Core (i3, i5, i7, if you see the term Sandy Bridge, it refers to the dual channel memory technology in this generation of processors) are generally seen as performing better and faster than AMD's comparable chips, but you pay a bit of a premium for the Intel name. Just about any quad-core processor will be able to handle today's games and will probably be just fine for quite some time. I would recommend one of the Intel i5s or AMD Phenom II x4s numbered 955 or higher.

2)This item is actually non-essential. If you don't do any photo/video editing or watch ultra high definition videos or play any serious games, the graphics capabilities of the CPU and motherboard will be enough. However, this component will be the determining factor of how good your games will look while providing an acceptable framerate. There are two main companies that make GPU chips (which go into graphics cards that are manufactured by a variety of companies), AMD (under the brand Radeon) and NVIDIA. Both have very good reputations with their slightly different strengths. If you see the term SLI/Crossfire, that just means linking two of the same cards together to increase performance. This is a link to an article that shows how all of the current graphics cards perform in certain tests and games. Guru3d.com and Tom's Hardware have probably reviewed every single GPU on the market. Do some research. Decide what kind of money you have to spend and what kind of performance you want.

3)Get 4 GB of it. or more if you want. I was recommended the G.Skill Ripjaw series. I know Corsair and Crucial are very reputable brands. I'm sure others make good stuff too. In the specs you should see DDR3-xxxx. The xxxx is the speed. 1333 is standard and plenty good. Higher numbers are faster. Whatever.

4)If you go with an Intel processor, you'll probably want to go with a motherboard that uses either the p67 or z68 chipset. When you're looking at motherboards, you'll mostly be checking out what connections it has. For example, how many SATA 3.0/6.0 channels it has (drive connections), or whether it has USB 3.0. I know ASUS is very good. I went with Gigabyte. I'm sure MSI and other manufacturers also make good boards.

5)Get a hard drive that runs at 7200 rpm and uses SATA 6 gb/s for the fastest data rates. Choose whatever size you think you will want to store all your files and music and movies and games and such. Western Digital is the king of hard drives. I'm sure others will be just fine though.

6)Get a CD/DVD drive/writer. There are a ton to choose from in the $20 range on newegg.

7)Keep cooling in mind. Proper ventilation is nice. It keeps your stuff at a reasonable temp which helps prolong life and improves performance. Think about getting a case that has features that help with cable management. Don't get the case I got.

8)You might think you can skimp on the power supply as it really isn't a determinant of performance. It just supplies power. But if your power supply sucks or is in-efficient you can run into some problems. Go with a well-respected brand name (I've heard Corsair is pretty much the best), at least 80+ certified if not 80+ bronze or better. If you're not overclocking your CPU and only plan to use one GPU, 600W or 650W should be plenty. I went up to 750 in case I wanted to go the SLI route down the road.

You'll also need a keyboard, mouse and monitor obviously, but you might already have those. You'll also need an operating system (Windows 7). I've heard you can get illegal (free) copies without too much difficulty, but for whatever reason, I decided not to look too hard and just bought the shit.

Feel free to leave questions in the comments.
Sites/videos I used:
pcpartpicker.com - has pretty much everything by everyone. Only lets you pick components that are compatible. Tells you the price on a few different sites (newegg always seems to be the best, although you should shop around. Amazon is actually really good, as is TigerDirect)

cyberpowerpc.com - They will build a computer for you. It will cost a hair more than it would to do it yourself, but you may want to look into that option. I used the site to get an idea of what I would want to use, about how much it would cost, and how much power I would need

guru3d.com - tons of info and tests and charts. Where I did most of my GPU research.

Tom's Hardware - great site. tons of reviews and how-tos. very helpful forum community. I ran into an issue during my build and posted a question in the forums. the people there helped me solve it in half an hour on a friday afternoon.

tested.com - more reviews and how-tos. They have a couple of pc build videos if you're interested.

This guy is talking about building a gaming pc.

A series of videos walking through building a computer.

Comin' at you bro

From the brand spanking new desktop I built this weekend. God damn this thing is slick. For those of you who are unaware, it is totally possible to buy computer components and assemble them yourself. I have to say, it is a very rewarding experience. I had a lot of fun researching what I would want in order to meet my needs (read: wants) and to make sure everything would be compatible. The build itself took quite a bit longer than I expected, having watched a couple videos on computer building, but that mostly had to do with the fact that the case I bought isn't actually the most user friendly in terms of building. I had to strip several screws down a bit in order to get them into the places they needed to go since they decided to make them fit WAY too tight (also, the covers on things like the optical drive bay have to be broken out and therefore can't be replaced in the future. wtf right?). But once I had everything in place and plugged it in and hit the power button the first time and saw all the lights come on and fans spin up, I couldn't help but yell in my best Dr. Frankenstein impression, "It's ALLLIIIIIIIVE!" Given the problems with the screws, the hodgepodge of parts from different brands, and my joyful surprise that it worked, I decided to name it Frank, in honor of said doctor. After installing Windows and all of the drivers and importing all of the files I wanted from my shitty old laptop and running a few stress tests, I have a computer that I can call my own and, more importantly, will run the most demanding of games.
The next time you're thinking about getting a new computer, I would advise you to seriously consider building your own. Anyone with a brain and the will to put in a little time can do it. I learned a lot about what is actually in that box, which will probably come in handy if something breaks down in the future. I had fun. But what is perhaps the best part about this whole experience is that if I had customized and ordered a computer through a manufacturer like Alienware using comparable components I'd have shelled out another $700.

jon benjamin has a van

wow.  what a great concept.  i just finished watching the pilot, and if every show is as funny, i'll never stop watching.  

you can watch a clip here and starting at about the 1:03 mark you'll find a pretty great sketch.  i also enjoyed the "cash stall" scene and found the recurring border joke quite funny.  please: if you love rude, offensive, sarcastic humor, check this show out.

cro's kids

watch as antonio cromartie makes a valiant effort at remembering the names of his children.

do you think he got all 9 of them correct?  

do you think he even knows he has 9 kids?

I got 99 problems

but a bitch ain't one. Actually, I have very few problems right now. Things have been good, fairly busy, yet relatively unremarkable lately. Hence, the lack of real posts. Last week after a tremendously sweaty bike ride, I wanted to make a post ranting about how shitty my boss is (seriously, he's a terrible human being). But then I realized that there's no point in being a Negative Nancy all the time. No one wants to read that unless it's brimming with funny stories. At that time it wouldn't have been.

I do have an amusing anecdote from the weekend's activities, however.
On Friday night, I was out at the house of one of my coworkers, among mostly coworkers and a few other friends. This tale needs a little bit of background detail. My very good friend, Dan, happens to be a very big fan of all things nerdy. He can quote every moment of every Star Wars and LOTR movie, but what really stands out is his enthusiasm for and knowledge of Pokemon. He just so happens to own a hat like Ash Ketchum's.
After several alcoholic beverages and jokingly giving one of our male friends a peck on the lips, he went to our very cute lady friend who, unfortunately for men everywhere, happens to be a lesbian and asked for a kiss, to which she obliged. At that point, someone jealously asked why he got to kiss the cute lesbian girl. He indicated the hat and said, "lesbians love Ash Ketchum."
Words to live by.

In other news, I was expecting to have an opportunity that might lead to some good news this week. However something pretty unexpected, though not necessarily bad happened. Now I may have some interesting and good news in a couple more weeks.

Hell's Kitchen in downtown Minneapolis makes some amazing food.

I will be building my first PC sometime soon. The parts should arrive around friday. It's gonna kick ass.

Warm sticky buns.

mr. mabe

as a former telemarketer, i totally approve.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/20a3Vu/www.metacafe.com/watch/887232/tom_mabe_pranks_a_telemarketer/

Too sweaty... Trapped in Cycling Jersey

get help.

unkempt ahmed

the main secretary at work is a lady we will call jane.  she is bubbly, middle-aged, full of energy, and apparently has a nickname for everyone.  shortly after i started working, she (let's be real: like so many others before her) fell in love with my hair.  after just a few short days of work the nickname was born: raggedy andy.

now, jane is just too nice of a person to be mean to, so i didn't quite have the heart to tell her that i don't like to be called any name other than ahmed.  day after day i would pass her office as i came/left work and jane would say, "have a good night, raggedy andy!"  sigh, someday i'll let you know how i feel about that name, jane.

anyway, last friday i got to work.  and as i opened the door to my office i legitimately had a minor heart attack.  there, sitting on my office chair with hands on the keyboard staring blankly at the computer was a life-sized raggedy andy doll.

it was seriously one of the creepiest things i've ever seen.  jane came into my office later to visit and said, "do you know how much trouble i had to go through to get that for you?  it was in a box in our basement underneath about 8 different boxes of storage.  i saw his shirt sticking out and knew that i had to bring it in for you!"

(sidebar: i have every thursday off from work.  apparently on thursday jane went up to different people in the office and said, "why don't you go say good morning to andy?"  everyone in the office would respond with something along the lines of "i'm pretty sure he has thursdays off" to which jane would say, "yeah, but i saw him in his office today!"  let's just say once they took a look into my office they were all equally as creeped out as well.)

so.  today at work i logged onto my computer and began some data analysis on a survey we are doing.  about 15 minutes into it my computer completely froze.  the page was just frozen: hitting control-alt-delete didn't do anything, pressing the power button didn't do anything, heck even unplugging it didn't do anything!!  so i went to our I.T. guy (we'll call him "sam") and asked for his help.  he told me a few keystrokes to push...and lo and behold my computer rebooted.  once it rebooted i reloaded the survey and began more data analysis.  literally about 10 minutes into it the computer did the same thing yet again.  so i went back to sam's office and asked if he could take a look at my computer.

sam: "what did you do?"
me: "i have no idea...i was just working on the survey when..."
sam, now shouting loudly: "you NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT PORN at work.  this is the FOURTH TIME i've caught you DOWNLOADING PORN on the job."

i'm pretty sure everyone in the office knew sam was joking...but at the same time, they all just stopped what they were doing and gave me weird looks.  it was awkward.

anyway, when we got to my office sam instantly noticed the raggedy andy doll (which jane has since moved into an upright sitting position on top of my filing cabinet.)

sam:  "what's with the doll?"
me: "jane gave me the nickname 'raggedy andy' but i don't quite have the heart to tell her how much i hate it..."
sam: "ahhhh, yes, jane giving out nicknames.  she has one for everyone.  she used to have one for me, too, but i know how to deal with her.  do you want me to make sure she doesn't call you that anymore?"
me: "how exactly do you go about making her stop it?"
sam: "well, you have to send a message."
me: "how?"
sam: "this is what you do.  when she's on her lunch break, deliver three garbage bags to her office desk: one with the doll's legs inside, one with the doll's torso inside, and one with its head inside.  then, be sure that you attach a note to the bags which reads, 'THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FUCKIN' CALL ME RAGGEDY ANDY'."

yeah.  it was a pretty good day at work.