now let's say that you're doing your budget and you realize that by the time september rolls around...well, you'll just be flat out of cash. and then you'll have to pay tuition. and 4 more months of rent. and utilities. and groceries. but you really don't want to take out any more loans because, as previously mentioned, you're already up to your ears in debt.
well, if you find yourself in this situation, odds are you blog by the moniker "ahmed."
you may ask, "how exactly does one remedy this situation?"
well, it's easy: lately i've been trying to find a job. but given the poor economy and a small labor market in the FM area, jobs are hard to come by.
every single day i check my three key sources--the fargo forum's (local newspaper) job ad, craigslist, and the ndsu part-time job bulletin.
i've noticed that there are a few key positions in high demand in the area. unfortunately, i am not qualified for any of them.
job 1: welder.
i don't know why, but whenever i think of a welder, i always think of the movie "october sky" and when the display at the national science fair gets stolen. so they call back home at the last second and the token big black guy makes a replica of the engine thing. you probably had a tough time following that vague last sentence. the point i'm trying to make: whenever i think of "welding" as a profession, i just imagine standing in a very big open room in the middle of a factory next to a bunch of burly black men all wearing protective goggles. that's not really my cup of tea. plus, almost all of them require some type of technical degree with a few years of experience in welding. so.....i won't be a welder any time soon.
job 2: trucker.
just about every day there will be roughly 10 to 12 posts for companies hiring pickup and delivery drivers. they need to have special "class a" (or "class d" or "class something") licenses. i don't have one of those. but aside from that obvious setback, i also don't want to get fat anytime soon. and i'm not good at growing a beard. and i don't want to die of a heart attack in my early fifties. so.....i won't be a trucker any time soon.
job 3: nurse.
i've often heard that if you are a nurse you're guaranteed a job because they are in such high demand. (stiche, god bless you.) let me say that i have nothing but the utmost respect for nurses....my mother is a nurse, my grandmother was a nurse anesthetist, and i have many more family members that work in the medical field. but i don't. i mean, i'm a geographer by trade. maybe i could make maps of the human body or something, but i'm pretty sure that not much has changed with human anatomy over the last few years. i'd be useless in a nursing setting. so.....i won't be a nurse any time soon.
job 4: receptionist/secretary.
i cannot believe how many places in this town are currently looking for a full/part-time receptionist. this is the only job that i might be remotely qualified for. most of them ask for "exceptional customer skills," "previous cashier knowledge," and "an overall positive attitude." pretty sure i have all of those. plus, someone has to break the mold of the stereotypical "hot chick secretary." i mean, i have the jew fro going for me...isn't that enough for customers to look at? but really, i've always seen myself as being the cause of a divorce via some ridiculously scandalous affair at work. (note: i've never seen myself as that guy before.) i mean, i'd definitely do whatever it takes to get a raise from my douchebag boss. what's that? you want to play "unfaithful-senator-meets-whore-at-the-shadiest-motel-in-town?" and if i play the whore i'll get a raise? you got it. the only downside to these ads is that almost all of them as for a minimum of 3-5 years of previous receptionist experience. once again, i really don't have that. so.....i won't be a receptionist any time soon.
what's really a bummer is that almost every application asks for your previous employers (which for me is even more embarrassing than the fact that i currently don't have a job). i mean, aside from pissing 2 years of my life away at arby's, the two places i worked at before that don't even exist anymore...that's right, both businesses folded. so when i have to check/uncheck the box that says "may we contact your previous employer?" i never really know what to do. i mean, how do i put "actually, the previous businesses folded after i worked there" into a tiny little box?
you know, as i write that, i now realize that arby's actually declared bankruptcy not too long ago. holy crap, there may be some missing link here. perhaps wherever i work is destined to (shortly thereafter) fail. hmmm maybe i'm on to something.
interviewer: "so what separates you from other candidates for this position?"
ahmed: "well, once i'm finished working for you, you'll either relocate or fold altogether."
interviewer: "welcome to the team!"
yeah, it'd probably go something like that.
well blogosphere, i have to plot the demise of a few businesses...err....i have to fill out a few applications. until next time, keep the oven toasty.
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