Everyone knows what a relief it can be, and how good it feels, to take a big dump you've just been yearning to evacuate from your bowels.
What bothers me is when people say, "Dude. That was the best dump ever!"
Really?
Best ever?
Unless you've got some other memories and an epic tale to go along with your dump, I bet it wasn't the best. Probably wasn't even top twenty.
Be reasonable.
That was a 98th percentile dump.
STORY TIME
ReplyDeleteIn 5th grade we were in the middle of "library time" at school. (This was when I lived in the hick town way in the northern part of the state.)
Anyway, this trucker came in and took a dump in the bathroom near the library. This was your typical "up north lumberjack" type of a truck driver. Huge gut. Red and black plaid shirt. Overalls. Farmer cap. 1980s square rimmed glasses. You get the idea.
I'm sitting in the library on the computer playing KEEN (yes, that's right, KEEN) when I see my buddy Alex in the distance waving me over. He just can't stop laughing. So I figure this must be good.
He tells me to just "go into the bathroom and look in the stall."
There I saw the greatest, most beautiful disaster of my life. The truck driver had left a LOG that was absolutely unfathomable. None of us could believe it.
There, in front of me, was a piece of fecal matter that was so incredibly gargantuan that its myth still roams the halls of Akeley Middle School some 15 years later. The man had left a piece of crap that was 4 inches in diameter and 14 inches long. It was so huge that it dwarfed the piping that most water/fecal matter goes down when flushed. It was so massive that if you were to flush the toilet it just sat there because not even the pressure/movement of the water was capable of nudging it out of place. It was too big to go down the pipes, too heavy to be moved by water, and too disgusting not to stand in admiration that this gigantic piece of shit literally came screaming out of someone's anal orifice. How one's sphincter is capable of expanding to such a size is beyond the comprehension of my brain.
I never knew what came of that piece of shit. I assume some poor janitor was forced break it apart and send it down the drain in shifts. That poor, poor, janitor. I can only imagine how horrible that would make my day.
TL;DR
Many years ago I witnessed a 100th percentile dump. It is possible.